Film Review: The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death

Won't Someone Think of the Children...?

Firstly, I am thrilled that The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death is rated a 15. The first feeling that comes to mind when someone mentions Woman in Black is that of dread. Nightmarish dread that was caused not by the film, but the screaming and shouting of Harry Potter fans that were in the same screening as i when the first Woman in Black was released in 2012 due to the BBFC granting the film a 12 certificate and thus, allowing avid Daniel Radcliffe/Potter fans to see their beloved up on the screen once again. Unfortunately for me, this resulted in hysterical screaming, constant talking, and the occasional REALLY LOUD fits of laughter, distracting me from what I thought, in the end, was a rather solid and spooky adaptation of Susan Hill's 1983 horror novella. What a joy then to see not only a sequel that featured no one of "fangirl" capabilities starring in it, but a 15 classification, wiping the fundamental existence of screaming youths from my cinema. Great start. 

Now I have seen the film, my early prediction of screaming youths being all but eradicated from the showing was misjudged and unfortunately, I was sat amongst what i feared most from a cinematic audience. Screaming. Shouting. Idle talking about where the film was going. The 15 certificate clearly had not completely solved the problem of the first film, and with this, I left the film deeply upset and rather annoyed. Anyway, how was the film i hear you ask? In a word or two; rather mediocre. In terms of plot, teacher Eve Parkins, played pretty well by Phoebe Fox, is evacuated, along with a group of children, including Edward, played by a Damian-esque Oaklee Pendergast, to Eel Marsh house during World War II, where they are greeted with strange noises, disappearing children, and a non-convincing performance by Jeremy Irvine as a supposedly discharged war pilot suffering from PTSD. What follows is a 90 minute mash-up of jump scares, complete darkness, and a feeling that I had seen this movie once before. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a good jump scare, but when they are so obviously going to happen it detracts from the overall power of fear they are attempting to bring, and such a problem was evident throughout the course of the film. In fact, the only time I felt partially threatened by the titular character was during the last ten minutes of the movie when there is a certain ambiguity to what was going to occur, yet for a supposed horror movie, 10 minutes out of 90 doesn't cut the mustard in my book. On the positive side, the child performers are good, particularly the character of Edward, the dark, Gothic tone of the film is present throughout and never lets off, and the film successfully tells a story, albeit a plot pretty similar to the first film, within a sensible amount of time.

In conclusion, The Woman in Black: Angel of Death, doesn't quite match the heights of the first film, and if anything, resembles too much of the plot and tone from it, resulting in a film that can only be classed as 'more of the same'. The endless jump scares may excite some horror fans, but in my mind such parlor tricks are cheap and un-imaginative resulting in an overall feeling of content, but not in anyway excitement or horror. 

Overall Score: 6/10 

Film Review: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

One Last Time...?

Here we are at last. After 726 minutes of Lord of the Rings (I'm including the extended Blu-Ray editions as i recently watched them all) and 343 minutes of The Hobbit so far (once again, the extended editions) we have the final installment of our journey through middle-earth. What a ride it has been. Shall we do it one last time? 

The Hobbit series so far hasn't at all gripped me in ways that LOTR did. I found An Unexpected Journey way too long, yet a solid start, and although The Desolation of Smaug was a much improved addition to the Middle Earth saga, it still stood in the shadow of all films within the LOTR trilogy. Now we have The Battle of Five Armies, a film that starts with a superb opening scene following on from the conclusion of the previous film, in which the monstrous Smaug descends upon Laketown with death, and death in huge numbers, in mind. Ironically, the epicness and awe-inspiring first section of the film is never really surpassed in the two hours that followed.

In terms of the good, the first is that the film is much shorter than the previous offerings resulting in a better pace as well as eradicating the feeling that the story was dragging on, something which I had felt particularly in the first film. Secondly, Richard Armitage is fantastic as Thorin, and in my view stole the show portraying a character battling with his inner demons in a way not too dissimilar from the effects of the one ring, although this inadvertently results in Freeman's perfect portrayal of Bilbo almost being sidelined. Other positive points include the way in which Christopher Lee, aged 92, can still kick shadowy butt, and the way in which the film nicely rounds off the middle-earth saga by leading the audience straight into The Fellowship of the Ring. 

Now for the bad. For some reason, the makers of The Hobbit Trilogy have gone CGI crazy, particularly within this last installment, and for me the sheer amount of reliance on such sadly reduces the feeling of epicness i should have been feeling. CGI orcs? Not needed. The orcs in LOTR were brilliant. Why change that? CGI Dain? WHY? You could have easily just asked for Billy Connolly to be in the film directly, yet instead, Mr Jackson or whoever believes his voice is all that is needed and a computer generated version is much better. No. The over-use of CGI also results in the film looking like a video game in some occasions, with some scenes looking like they have been lifted from last years' Shadow of Mordor. Other minor problems included Orlando Bloom looking very scary as a post-plastic surgery looking Legolas, some cheesy love-in moments, and an overall sense of repetitiveness during the titular battle. 

In conclusion, The Battle of the Five Armies has rounded off the middle-earth saga in a solid, yet strangely unspectacular fashion, featuring a brilliant opening scene as well as a stand-out performance from Armitage, weakened by an over-reliance on CGI and a feeling of repetitiveness throughout the battle sequences. Farewell Middle-Earth. It's been emotional.  

Overall Score: 7/10

Film Review: The Interview

Kim Jong Eurghhh...

What is the essence of comedy I hear you ask? In my own view, comedy relies on the importance of timing and delivery in order to effectively produce laughs. British humour is the greatest humour in the world, (No Bias Intended) highlighted by famous British comedy shows/films such as Monty Python, Fawlty Towers and most recently the Thick of It which is easily the funniest and most intelligent comedy show I have seen in the 21st century. My overall feeling after watching The Interview, was that comedy has died. And in a bad way, as well as feeling that  there is a clear target audience which, in my view, consists of young males, between the ages of 12 and 15, who will find Rogen/Franco's new film unbelievably funny whereas I, who is reaching their 21st birthday, found it distasteful, crude and a complete waste of time. The rant continues...

In terms of plot, Franco plays a non-likable caricature, symbolising the  laddish-culture that seeps through a range of films and TV programmes that are ripe in society today, who is tasked with Rogen's "Samwise" to Franco's "Frodo", character in bringing down the "most famous man alive," Kim-Jong Un, after they are both invited to interview him in North Korea. What follows is a 115 minute orgy of racism, swearing, violence and casual misogyny which most importantly, is not in anyway funny, but instead made me wish I had been bombed during the showing as it would have saved me the pain of following the film all the way until the credits came up. 

Anyone who is alive will have been aware of the impending bomb threat North Korea have sanctioned in response to the film and so far, I am still alive and well but that may soon change, 

meaning my last ever review may be on a film that is not only highly racist, but entirely lacks taste and charm, all of which I expect somewhere in a film classified as "comedy". The Interview, in a word then, is pants. Of the highest order, and is only prevented from 1/10 by the ONE smile I managed during the course of the film which was brought upon by the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that featured in the film. Seriously, that was the best bit. A dog. Enjoy. 

Overall Score: 2/10

Black Ribbon's Top 5 Games of 2014 (As picked by Drake)

No, I'm not dead, just extremely lazy!

With the flurry of Next-gen releases in their first year, picking my top 5 should be a really difficult task. Although the monumental cock-ups make this list dubiously easy. In no particular order, lets get the list going...

1 - Shadow of Mordor

Shadow of Mordor was one of the games that has slid under the rug in many lists for the overall year and its a rather sad sight when Assassin's Creed Rogue is consider better. I often find myself questioning he logic of many of the groups to select a game with no innovation on the previous
generation console over a new IP with incredible mechanics and gameplay. Shadow of Mordor's visuals and story occasionally let it down but the creative power struggle system, fun combat, its return too Middle Earth and the vocal talent created something truly spectacular that has great length.

2 - Far Cry 4 

Ubisoft's year has been tainted by bugs, poor gameplay, hype and generally poor creations. Fortunately for them, many of us still bought into the series' and that's all they really care about.
Although they are likely to pay for that, they have had relative success with Far Cry 4. Unfortunately, I never managed to get around to reviewing much around the October Gamergedon but here is my TLDR version - Incredible visuals, addicting gameplay, fascinating story and characters with the added "I'm not running away from a psychopath in case he gets even angrier" ending that finishes the game in anything up to 15 minutes with gameplay that lets you walk around the room and finally, lets not forget that Troy Baker plays Pagan Min. Who can hate it? PS - Fuck the eagles.

3 - The Wolf Among Us

The Wolf Among Us is another Telltale game based off of the comic book series "Fables". The story of Bigby Wolf and the sudden murder spree to hit Fabletown is one with bigger twists than a twirl bar, more violence than a Michael Bay movie and an art style which elevates the series to new

heights. The wonderful thing about The Wolf Among Us is how engaging it is. The space between episodes was filled with The Walking Dead Season 2 and looking at the Wikia in the vain hope the next episode would appear. Its adventure into fable characters would normally be very Disney or Pixar like but Telltale and Fable's creator turned the world upside-down to create a dark, atmospheric neon lit world filled with a rising evil and isn't afraid to get its hands dirty.

4 - Walking Dead Season 2 

So, I've already mentioned Season 2 and it stands as one of the best game series' that I have ever played. The Walking Dead game inspired me to watch the TV shows and get into the comics and I've

never been happier with such a creation. Season 2 follows Clementine's fight for survival without Lee in her life. The fight for survival by a little girl in a traumatic world is distressing enough but when she feels more like a daughter and your responsibility is to protect her, anything that happens can be disastrous if you get it wrong. Telltale's knack and style has successfully carried The Walking Dead into 3 seasons and DLC that will stay with me as some of my all time favourites. A must play for any zombie survivalist.

5 - Dragon Age Inquisition

Every Dragon Age fan wet their pants with glee upon the news of another instalment in our beloved series. While 2 is considered the worst and often belittled, some of its characters carry over into
Inquisition alongside one or two from Origins that is incredibly gratifying to be reunited with. Bioware has a knack for creating games with vast worlds and territories that bring you into contact with some of the most crazy and loveable characters ever written. As for next-gen visuals, what Dragon Age lacked in texture, it made it up with the lighting. Atmospheric and beautiful, is not it for Bioware, the combat system and gameplay have improved drastically making Dragon Age a deadly competitor in the RPG market.


As a bonus, I feel an honourable mention should be made to another 3 games that I absolutely adore.
Bonus - Titanfall for its incredible reimagining of the FPS genre, Plants VS Zombies for its whacky take on modern shooters with a family friendly game that also appeals to the hardcore gamers and finally, Hearthstone. Not one for Blizzard MMOs and RPGs?, Say no more. Hearthstone blends the World of Warcraft characters into a FREE card game with balance, no pay to win features, a competitive community and all round fun.

How'd I do? Let us know your picks in the comments down below! Also go check out our new writer's view on this years movie selection. Click here to see his top 5 movies of 2014.

Best Films of 2014 (Picked by our new writer, Dan!)

5. The Raid 2: Berandal

Godfather Part Two. The Empire Strikes Back. Aliens. Get the trend? Sequels that were arguably better than their predecessors and the Raid 2: Berandal nicely fits into this list. Action-packed, beautifully choreographed, and includes the character of "Hammer Girl". Every film needs a character called "Hammer Girl".

4. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

The first of two Scarlett Johansson films on the list, while also following The Raid 2 in being a better film than its' predecessor, The Winter Soldier is a fantastic, paranoid spy thriller that differs slightly from the Marvel Film format in triumphant fashion with a great performance from Robert Redford and paving the way for dramatic changes within the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

3. Godzilla

A possibly controversial pick as many believed Gareth Edward's take on Godzilla was rather boring and slow with it only properly showing the big guy himself towards the latter stages of the film, however after seeing Edward's previous outing "Monsters", I kind of expected this to be the case. The dramatic build up throughout the film led to an epic conclusion and personally, I thought the film was fantastic, especially that HALO scene. WOW.

2. Guardians of the Galaxy

One of the main reasons Guardians of the Galaxy is so high on this list is that I went into the cinema with my expectations rather low. What a joy then to have witnessed probably the best addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe which not only included fantastic characters and laugh out loud moments throughout, but a brilliant soundtrack (Ooga-Chaka) and the best prison-breakout scene i've seen in a long time. Utterly charming.

1. Under the Skin

Now here is a change of tone. I missed Under the Skin when it was in the cinema so i chose to rent the Blu-Ray when it was released and it is fair to say i was blown away. Blimey Charlie. Firstly, it definitely isn't a film for the masses with its' dark tone, slightly ambiguous death sequences, and lack of dialogue but for me it was a perfect blend of art, sci-fi, and horror, something that i hadn't seen in a long, long time. Simply, it is brilliant.

Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens - TRAILER

Let's be honest, we are all excited for this. No matter how old you are. Brace yourself, the internet is about to explode. Let me know what you think in the comments below!

Assassin's Creed Unity - Review - [XBOX ONE] - Spoilers

Reviews and stuff are having to be put on the shelf at the moment due to heavy university load so things will come out when I feel up to doing something other than stare at a blank word document...

Assassin's Creed Unity was probably one of the biggest draws for users to upgrade to the next generation systems in the last couple of months only to be disappointed by the outpouring of hate on its initial release. Sold by the 4 player co-op, upgraded visual mechanics and streamlining functions among the French Revolution is very appealing, even if you've never touched an Assassins Creed game. However, Ubisoft have failed once again. Their huge undertaking with new IPs and the double release of the Assassins series left them at loggerheads with their dedicated audience. The time and budget for all of the recent games has really taken a beating and is suffering from CoD syndrome - The same thing every year, repackaged.

This instalment we follow a young man named Arno. As a child you watch his life falls apart with the assassination of his father and being taken into the care of an elderly man and the parent of the red head (Elise) who you chased about in the prologue. Any self respecting fan knows this story of a young man whose rebellion is typically the better of himself. We are looking at a complete Reskin of Ezio. Due to Ezio's huge success, trying to create a character like him was always going to end badly. We saw this with Connor and now with Arno. Both with the likeability of an ice cream in Antarctica. A few years soon pass by for Arno to a time where his adopted father is assassinated right in front of him. His mission now is to avenge the death and find the culprit, only to find something far bigger. Its not a story we haven't seen before but as we have seen in the trailers, the pairing of Elise and Arno from rival factions was something that drew huge attention and criticism. Some wondering why the Assassins have allied with a Templar and others welcoming the change. Although here is the problem, Elise and her Templar upbringing through her father (Arno's adopted parent) were never really implemented in the game for too long. Often enough it was just Arno on his own while this so called deadly Templar ran around uselessly in the background. Her relationship with Arno was heavily played and did add a few layers to him but its full blown impact did very little. (PS - if you can't implement women central characters into the series because it takes too much work, why do we have Elise?)... Then you have the Creed. In all honesty, Arno doesn't need to be there. He plays the central role and everything else does nothing but shout and moan.

The main problems for AC:U don't lie with the story. The majority of it was Ubisoft's incompetence. Its unnecessarily bad glitches that would throw you out of the game, the incredible AI's who would switch between male and female if you walked past them, the AI's that also stood on each others heads and initiated combat for no reason, because they are a general bunch of ass-hats with the competence of a 2 year old. Perhaps the degradation of controls and mechanics that drove many fans insane on their first experience of AC1! Or finally, probably the biggest problem that Ubisoft have; Uplay. The god awful servers and service that it creates has caused many issues for those wanting to play online with friends, but also the blackmail within the game. You cannot progress, unless you have uplay to access extras and you cannot unlock in-game chests if you don't have the AC:Unity companion app on your phone or tablet. Although some achievements are dedicated to getting all the chests, such a task may prove impossible for those with a temper shorter than Warren Davies.

The visual quality expected from a next-gen game is typically quite high and rightfully so. For Ubisoft, this should be plain sailing as long as they avoid the awful shading and waxy features of Black Flag, but noooo. Here we are, with another next generation console game, looking as if its been ported for the previous originally. Characters look awful unless they are in a cutscene and anything from the next upwards looks like every character has elephantiasis. More attention was paid to the AI characters cleavage rather than de-swelling her face from the recent bee attack.

Overall, the game was fucked harder than my bank account. Its terrible gameplay functionality leads the game into the record books for one of the biggest fuck ups this year. Its story was half-baked and its relevance to the Order and the overall arch cannot be seen at this moment. Perhaps the DLC will enlighten many as to where Arno will be soon considering the whole WTF ending. Before I close, I would like to point out a enormous issue I had with a particular "bridging" scene. With its release so close to that of the American's veterans day and the UKs remembrance weekend, climbing the Eifle Tower in occupied France and shooting down Axis forces is far from relateable to the story but also slightly disrespectful at this time of year.