Lucy - Quicky Review - Can I really Spoil a Movie With No Plot? - Watch me

Created by the undeveloped mind of Luc Besson, Lucy appears on-screen. Sure, The Taken series is pretty cool. Terribly acted and the most generic storyline known to man repeated 3 times for money rather than filmmaking is the problem with it. Straight off the bat I was ready to tear into this wannabe Limitless. Unimpressed by the fact that they base the whole movie on the myth that we only use 10% of our brains (Busted by our favourite Mythbusters) and if we use higher percentages than that, we gain super powers. Unlocked by a synthetic drug, Scarlett Johansson is now super women. Granted super intelligence and ability to see "data waves" she can manipulate the world around her. Upon unlocking more of her mind, she gains more powers to manipulate the world around her. This whole idea is utter rubbish. I like sci-fi movies and super hero movies but this is ludicrous. It tries too hard to legitimise itself making it incredibly convoluted and the most boring piece of shite I've watched for many years.

There really is no plot to actually write about except that she wonders about using her powers to get the rest of the drugs. If she was so fucking smart, it would have ended 20 minutes sooner and we wouldn't have had to go through one of the worst action scenes I've ever seen. Had the movie actually thought about what it was actually getting at, the outcome could have been plausible and engaging. So with no real story, what is left? How about acting? Yeah, um...

Scarlett, I love you with Marvel as Black Widow but this is just awful. As a character who is supposed to be emotionless (but somehow still has emotions...) your voice is as if you've given up on life (I don't blame you with this script) and its excruciating to listen to. The scenes where you have emotions are so poorly acted, its as if you've never acted a day in your life and combined with the overall fuckery, it truly is a disgrace to watch such a star perform so poorly. I cannot stress this enough, if you're going to use action, it needs to be fun, if you want to create something that uses sci-fi elements and A-list actors, you're going to want to write a decent storyline and make sure they can act it! The acting isn't just down to the main stars, the rest of the crew were just as bad. One particular Korean guy stands as the worst person I've ever seen on screen. You've probably seen him with the rocket launching sliding on his knees like he's on stage with Motley Crue in the 80's - awful hairstyle included. 

I'm not doing a quicky review simply because I have other things to do or that I really cannot be bothered, this time, I'm so shocked as how bad this movie is, I really don't know what to write. I would say that they were simply using both Morgan Freeman and Scarlett Johansson as crowd pleasers but the reality is that this will never work for this movie. I'm surprised it has the rating it does from the critics. To me, this movie wouldn't even stand up as Sci-fi. Its poor quality and overly convoluted direction would turn Syfy pale if it was to ever appear on their channel. I wouldn't bother wasting your money on this and suggest you experience something a lot more fun, perhaps Limitless or a drill bit to your testies. 5/10 for this one - Sorry Scarlett...

The Expendables 3 - Quicky Review - SPOILERS

So if you're expecting a critical analysis of Expendables 3, I would recommend you close this window. Renowned for its historic cast of action/adventure actors and its excessive action, the series was always going to be a hit. Expendables 3 is no different, just a few new faces to spice it up a little. In all fairness, the series in general isn't something you can look at and go, "These movies are solid pieces of theatre art". It just doesn't work that way. Not many action movies can really collect such praise from critics but draw a lot of support from fans for the real reason many people watch them. They're fun. It’s the genre for the everyday man, not those who likeability sits firmly in the off position.

When we look at the Expendables, we see a big cast that has shifted fairly regularly over the series. This time around instead of having Bruce Willis playing Church, Harrison Ford took his place by killing Church off for good (Turns out Willis wanted £1million a day for filming). Of course we have the regular crew back but unfortunately, one of my favourites - Terry Crews - sat out for the majority of the film. Perhaps due to other commitments but at least we got to see him in action. Returning original Jet Li was also back in the fold and it was publicised heavily of his involvement but with only 5 minutes of actual screen time, I'm sad to say that it was a bit of a waste of time for him to have even turned up. Not entirely new and fresh, Arnie is back but this time he actually features throughout the movie getting his hands dirty and obviously we also have Wesley Snipes. Charged for Tax evasion, his return to the big screen ironically began in a train convoy returning to his black ops prison cell. With a little joke about his conviction thrown in, Snipes was an OG Expendable from the very beginning. After going a little mad for money, he got himself caught and went dark for 8 years. Once Barney Ross (Stallone) caught wind of his location, the plan was set into action and as you've probably seen in the trailers, he was busted out. With his help, the crew immediately go to a new destination to retrieve a bomb for the CIA. However, another OG Expendable by the name of Stonebanks (Mel Gibson) turns up even though Barney supposedly killed him many years back. Making a new name for himself and taking control of his own personal army, Stonebanks is now a billionaire weapons dealer who after finding out Barney was after him, sets out to cause him equal pain. Now you may be wondering who the new lot are and why they are even there. It turns out that after the encounter with Stonebanks, Barney retires the old group for their own safety in favour of a new crew who can hold their own but are a little messed up supplied by Kelsey Grammer. These include MMA's Victor Ortiz & Ronda Rousey, actor and model Kellan Lutz and Glen Powell, joined in the final third by the not so fresh faced Atonio Banderas to take down Stonebanks for good. As ever, not everything goes to plan and the old crew jump back into the fray to help. Out of the new group, my least favourite is Kellan. When trying to act as this big hard man, he looks like he's posing for a glamour shoot and it's fairly off-putting. Not including the fact that his character is a dick and his acting is awful.

Now that's out of the way, let’s get to what the movie is really about, the action. Its extremely fun and flows really well throughout. Enough explosions to give Michael Bay a hard-on the size of the Eiffel Tower, hand to hand combat with the experience of MMA fighters to really demonstrate how it’s actually done and general chaos and anarchy that they've always done so well. Obviously it wouldn't be an action movie without a bit of a cheese fest and witty one liners and they kindly obliged with some hilariously funny quips from their previous roles or history. Although the acting is pretty awful, in the face of stunts and action scenes, many of the characters were very competent. Ronda sticks out the most to me. In the final action sequence, she has quite the scene which really displays her UFC prowess. Moves that were incredibly well choreographed with a blend of music and shifts between a few other characters did help to create atmosphere within in the building that was set to blow. The only iffy bit of action was between Barney and Stonebanks. The acting and script for the scene was frankly laughable.

So if you got this far, cheers. Many of you probably just want the basics and seeing that I've run out of steam, here it is. Poor acting, awesome cast of classics and newbies, hella fun and Michael Bay's wet dream. Go watch it, have some fun and see the reason films exist. 6/10 for the outcome but that really shouldn't count. PS - Have a creepy photo of Snipes down below...

Assassin's Creed - Rogue - Trailer News

EDIT: The trailer has now been removed

In the last week news of a foreign retailer releasing a pre-order for a previous generation Assassin's Creed titled "Rogue" - previously under the codename Comet - has gone viral amongst the gaming community.

Riding on the hype of this news, an apparent still leaked (and trailer) from the upcoming trailer has surfaced on the web. Documenting the release for November 11th which follows Unity's release on October 27th. Demonstrated by the image sources say that we are keeping to the style that made Black Flag such a success. This being a new assassin, a big ass boat and a vast map to play with presumed to be the Arctic. I can't deny, no confirm the validity of these claims so we simply will have to hold on to see.

What are you hoping for from codename Comet/Rogue and do you feel its too much for one year? Leave your comments down below!

Source - http://kotaku.com/leak-shows-off-rogue-this-years-last-gen-assassins-cre-1616239537

Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy - Review - SPOILERS

As some of you may have already noticed, I was a little worried about Guardians of the Galaxy. The trailers made it feel as if it was more of a comedy rather than a gritty and action packed thrill ride like Winter Soldier was. Having not read the comics, I can't compare them to the film version so had little understanding of the world I was about to enter. Upon watching the movie, I'm elated. The movie has very few issues and those that exist are mere in the grand scheme of things.

If you're like myself, you've never read the Marvel comic book series about the Guardians of the Galaxy. "In the far reaches of space, an American pilot named Peter Quill finds himself the object of a manhunt after stealing an orb coveted by the villainous Ronan." - IMDB. Ronan's desire for this orb is to give it to Thanos (Josh Brolin) who we see at the very end of The Avengers movie. Once Ronan (Lee Pace) delivers the orb to Thanos, the deal is that Thanos will destroy Ronan's enemy planet. However, not everything goes to plan when Star Lord/Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) steals the orb and lands a bounty on his head, thus drawing the attention of a pair of bounty hunters, Rocket (Bradley Cooper) and Groot (Vin Diesel) and Ronan's supervisor - supplied by Thanos - Gamora (Zoe Saldana). Eventually the group end up together in prison and learn of the true power of the orb and try to shut down Ronan for good with the help of another prisoner, Drax (Dave Bautista) they embark on an adventure to vanquish this foe. In true Marvel fashion, the ending is absolutely incredible. Things turn quickly and we really don't know how it'll pan out with such a devastating blow. In reality, the basis of the movie is very reminiscent of the recent Thor movie just with a few little tweaks but stands very much on its own.

As with every Marvel film, capturing the right actor for the role is very important. Being able to act is usually a good start. Chris Pratt is a man I've never really come into contact with apart from his vocal contribution to the Lego movie and a host of Parks and Recs memes that cycle round like the Tour de France. Taking his comedy background and general stature into consideration, I personally couldn't see a better man playing him. Quill was a fun character who still lived in the past with his tape player trucking on further than the half-life of a prostitute in the Ripper era. Dancing his way through life since the day he was taken from Earth, he is very much "a player". With Zoe Saldana's track record, acting is no worry. Being the colour of Kermit the Frog, you would suspect it to be quite unflattering (Just wait until you see the bright pink folk, you'll see what I mean) but she doesn't look bad. The 3rd live actor is Bautista. With his WWE/F past, acting isn't really is his forte even though a lot of it is faked. However, in this, I actually liked Bautista. Sure he was the blunt instrument but the character was practically written for him. A giant tattooed alien with anger issues, little emotion and a love for action has Bautista written all over it.

Now to the 2 vocal additions to the group, Rocket and Groot. For Rocket, Bradley Cooper was actually a really good fit. The trailers did little justice but he does a damn fine job at conveying the emotions of a raccoon that doesn't have many facial expression. My issue lie with Groot. An awesome character whose vocabulary only includes 4 words. With his limited vocab, he is like a pet and is adored by many. The problem is Vin Diesel. Very rarely could you distinctly hear his voice and its such a huge waste of money when someone could easily replicate it without the price tag. But as ever, the investment in him as a brand is what is most likely the reason he was selected for the role. Alongside the issue of the use of a brand rather than a more efficient actor, I felt that the character development was a little dry. With 5 characters sharing the screen I can see that being difficult but the only real character development is shouted between each other when characters are emotional or angry. The lack of the normal bonding between characters meant that we still don't know much about any of the characters we follow apart from the basics. Quill's mum died and he was abducted by aliens the same day, Gamora is the "daughter" of Thanos who killed her real family, Drax's family was killed by Ronan, Rocket is a genetic experiment and Groot is a tree. A talking, walking tree. Yet there is a huge cast of actors also supporting the movie such as the Walking Dead's Merle Dixon (Michael Rooker).


Visually flawless, the movie stands at the pinnacle of finesse that they have dominated for many years. The music is also something that catches the attention. Like Iron Man's AC/DC soundtrack, Guardians has a whole mix of music from the 60's ending with Jackson 5's "I want you back" in an amazing scene that is guaranteed to make anyone smile and laugh. We all know Iron Man movies to be very funny, but never have I seen such an audible response to jokes with eruptions of laughter and momentary gasps.

Defined as one of the greatest Marvel movies to date, I have to agree. The huge successive launch and rave reviews give credit to this claim. With confirmation that there will be a second Guardians of the Galaxy and a potential cross-over with the Avengers (It will have to be the 3rd rumoured for 2018) we may see Thanos eat dust in the 3rd outing of both groups. Albeit predictions, it seems the most logical approach after Age of Ultron. Now we simply have to wait for more information to surface and marvel at this Marvel. 9/10 for Guardians and stands to be the biggest blockbuster this year!