Film Review: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

"Manners. Maketh. Man. Let Me Translate That For You.."

Arguably being the director responsible for the rise of Daniel Craig as the world's greatest British secret agent due to his successes with Layer Cake back in 2004, Matthew Vaughn's successful trip with the Kingsman series returns this week with The Golden Circle, a star-studded action sequel which follows on from the fanfare of the first by being a film fundamentally addicted with the Bond series and all its' many pleasures, but too a sequel which is primarily focused on the excesses evident within arguably the worst Bond films in the canon, releases which chose CGI surfing and invisible cars over any form of substance, and whilst The Golden Circle does boast a returning Colin Firth, Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges, there is too few elements to enjoy within the space of a two hour-plus movie which follows the common trends of the sequel by being not at all in the realm of critical greatness as its' predecessor. Whilst the first film did have a variety of flaws, including a crass, laddish undertone which attempted to derail the film completely, The Golden Circle goes one further in mediocrity and suffers fundamentally from elements which so easily could have been avoided, particularly when admiring the previous works of director, Matthew Vaughn.

Of the many elements which do not work, the chauvinistic, sexist portrayal of female characters which began slightly in The Secret Service continues to an extent within The Golden Circle, a particular flaw which makes Roger Moore's treatment of women in his respective Bond films seem gentlemanly beyond belief. Whether it be a completely twisted and jarring scene of sexual spy implementation rape in a Glastonbury tent or the total lack of substance for characters portrayed by the likes of Halle Berry and Sophie Cookson, The Golden Circle is ran by a script which simply doesn't care for its' characters whatsoever, and with the return of Colin Firth after his death in the previous movie, the film suffers too from a complete lack of peril or fear due to the notion that a bullet wound to the head can simply be fixed by magical glue. With fight scenes a-plenty which are just CGI-fueled mania, Julianne Moore arguably giving her worst performance ever and Elton John popping up to add humour to proceedings, The Golden Circle is an absolute mess of a movie, but one which is somewhat redeemed by flashy editing, a cucumber cool soundtrack and a solid leading performance from Taron Egerton but ultimately a sequel which still manages to be the lesser body of work when compared to its' predecessor. Shame. 

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: Logan Lucky

"You Logan's Must Be As Simple Minded As People Say..."

With the release of Logan Lucky this week, the most welcome return of director Steven Soderbergh after his self-imposed, but wholly brief, filmmaking hiatus, couldn't be better timed, particularly after a summer period in which, let's face it, Hollywood decided to throw more turds in the general direction of audiences than golden tickets, and whilst there is always a Nolan out there to save the day, Soderbergh is more often than not a director who always hits the mark when it comes to cinema, with Logan Lucky conforming to the formula audiences have come to expect from a man famous for being behind the camera of movies such as Oceans Eleven and the Hitchcock-infused Side Effects. With an extensive, impressive cast which includes the likes of Channing Tatum, Adam Driver and a peroxide-addicted Daniel Craig, Soderbergh's latest would be sloppy to mark solely as Oceans with a mighty Southern twang, and whilst the mark of Soderbergh's previous ventures does ultimately have its' DNA solely planted within his latest release, Logan Lucky is a mighty fine piece of work for a man who has had four years to mull over his returning project. 

After being fired from his job and attempting to combat the risk of custody battles and a supposed family curse, Jimmy Logan (Tatum) approaches brother Clyde (Driver) and sister Mellie (Riley Keough) for help in his attempt to pull off a heist at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. Adding to the makeshift merry band of amateur criminals is Joe Bang (Craig), an incarcerated explosives expert who along with his own members of family, begin to craft the perfect hillbilly. With Soderbergh's traditional coolness in terms of cinematic sensibility trickling throughout the narrative, Logan Lucky is the type of film which is just enviously easy to enjoy, and whilst the overall picture isn't the most original or groundbreaking, the top-end cast are all on top-form and so obviously enjoying themselves that the pleasure is reciprocated onto an audience which run away into a world of dodgy accents and effective comedic characters for just under two hours. Whilst the film does have issues, such as the unnecessary inclusion of Hilary Swank's character and Seth MacFarlane running away with the worst British accent since Don Cheadle, Logan Lucky is a welcome return for a director who seemingly always has something different to offer. 

Overall Score: 8/10

Film Review: Hail, Caesar!

"Squint Against The Grandeur..!"

When it comes to the Coen Brothers, there is no doubting their ability in the art of film-making even if sometimes their films begin to dwell into the realm of complete mayhem, with films such as Burn After Reading showing their tendency to revel in too much kookiness being on similar wave-lines with cinematic sludges such as their remake of True Grit, a film that can be applauded for its' cast but yawn inducing nonetheless. On the other hand, films such as No Country For Old Men, Fargo and my own personal favourite Inside Llewyn Davis showcase the brothers' love for cinema, a love that is no doubt reciprocated within their latest adventure Hail, Caesar! a comedic drama focusing on a day in the life of Capitol Pictures fixer Eddie Mannix, portrayed in a near-perfect fashion by Coen mainstay Josh Brolin supported by a mind-boggling rafter of stars including George Clooney, Ralph Fiennes, Scarlet Johansson, and Channing Tatum as well as Alden Ehrenreich as the "singing cowboy" Hobie Doyle. Stars galore right? But does the film match the greatness of its' payroll? Not exactly. 

Amongst the damsels in distress, replacement actors, an attempt to get a mother to adopt her own child and contemplating a move to another place of working life, all of which encompass one day in the life of Brolin's Mannix, the core plot-line amongst the many that are brought to life within the film's magical air of 1950's Hollywood is the kidnapping of famous star Baird Whitlock, played in full-on comedic fashion by Clooney, by the mysterious cult calling themselves "The Future". Although this particular plot-line establishes itself as the core of the movie, aside from the involvement of Clooney, it is strangely the weakest within the film, resulting in a through line that attempts to hold the film together but instead results in a film weaker than the sum of its' parts. It almost feels like a Coenzian (I'm coining that phrase now) wishlist of stars playing their part in the dreamland of a Hollywood in the mid-20th century of which the brothers wished they were part of, something that on the face of it isn't bad at all, but for some strange reason, the love I wish I had for it just isn't there and Hail, Caesar! ultimately feels like something of a let down regarding the talent on display. 

 Among the great things in the movie is the introduction to Tatum's character with an all-singing all-dancing routine which is bound to capture the hearts of most audiences whilst the story of Doyle is particularly captivating, with his confrontation with Fienne's Laurence Laurentz easily one of the most quotable of the year so far. Hill barely has two words to say and is just completely wasted whilst Frances McDormand continues to cash in on her marital duties and appears ever so briefly in the husky air of the back-end editing room; a very strange scene indeed. Hail, Caesar! has a few laughs, a variety of chuckles and a tendency to bring out a smile on occasion yet the film just isn't the masterpiece it perhaps could have been. Better than Burn After Reading? God, yes. As good as Inside Llewyn Davis? Not at all. It's solid from the Coen's, just not ground-breaking. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Jupiter Acending

The Day My Mind Stood Still

Oh Wachowski siblings. Your once promising career has all but ended thanks to this latest offering to the people of this much loved Earth. Such an unwelcome gift comes in the form of Jupiter Ascending, a film that can only be described as being this decades' Battlefield Earth, a statement that does not come lightly, whilst being a complete shame when remembering how brilliant The Matrix was when I first watched it. Now, in 2015, instead of The Matrix, we have a film with no soul, no depth, and seemingly not a care in the world, aside from one that has a massive bank note wrapped around it, with its' lead characters being almost as soul-crushingly dull as the film itself. Rant mode activated. 

I would attempt to give a brief synopsis of Jupiter Ascending, but the truth is, I really cannot be bothered. The plot is so ridiculously uninspiring and sleep-inducing that it's making me yawn even as I think about it now, whilst simultaneously making me cringe so hard, I feel like I am looking at early photos of my dress sense in the 1990's. So plot done with, what's next I hear you ask! Characters. Okay. Firstly, I have a fundamental problem with Mila Kunis as a bog cleaner. It just wouldn't happen. Also, being cursed with a name such as Jupiter Jones, surely she would have legally changed it by now? No sane human being would walk around 21st century society with a name so laughable being called Ben Dover is a step up. Unless that's the actual underlying point of the film, that she is actually so insane that she dreams of meeting a topless, roller skating, wonky eared, Channing Tatum and flying off to badly CGI'd planets, because whoever pitched the idea of Jupiter Ascending was clearly mad and needs to be heavily sedated and sectioned ASAP.

As for Channing Tatum, his reputation as a "serious actor" has been dealt a crippling blow. Why would he, after doing so well in Foxcatcher, want to be in this turkey of a movie? Surely he must have read the script? The same goes for Sean Bean, who throughout the entirety of his scenes in the film looks as bored as I did watching him, yet acting bored in a movie is better than acting as a humanised wooden plank, a feat which Ms. Kunis passes with flying colours. And now on to Eddie Redmayne. Oh Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Your Oscar win is not as clear-cut as it might once have been. His portrayal as the villainous I-don't-care-what-his-name-is is exceedingly laughable and can only be described as the dull second-cousin of  Gary Oldman's, Zorg, in The Fifth Element. His constant need to quietly whisper instructions to badly designed flying reptile things was bad enough, but when juxtaposed with sudden belts of screaming, it was like watching my 13 year old brother having a hissy-fit after not being allowed on the PlayStation. Sorry Eddie, but you were utter pants. 

In conclusion, Jupiter Ascending, is complete tripe. The attempts at acting are terrible. The plot is ludicrous. Okay, it might look good and fancy, but fanciness cannot save Jupiter Ascending from being one of the most boring and pain-inducing sci-fi films I think I have ever sat through. I think it's time to watch The Matrix again. 

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Foxcatcher

Brother's Grimm

It's award season everyone! On the day I am writing this, the Golden Globes is set to descend upon us with the majestic two-hour red carpet special lying in wait along with my pot of coffee and sugar-filled lemonade. Cheers time zones. Of the films listed in the "Best Films" category, Foxcatcher, Selma, and The Theory of Everything, are the only ones I hadn't seen when the nominations were announced so I decided to catch up when they were released in UK cinemas, starting with Foxcatcher. Foxcatcher brings to life the true story of Jon Du Pont, played by Steve Carell, and his efforts in hiring the Olympic wrestling champions Mark and Dave Schultz, played by Channing Tatum and Mark Ruffalo respectively, to train under the "Foxcatcher" estate and ready a team for the 1988 Olympics. Although, from this short synopsis anyway, Foxcatcher seems to be primarily a sports film, the reality is that Foxcatcher is a different monster entirely. 

 When I first watched the trailer to Foxcatcher, I was astonished at the transformation of Carell, whose unrecognisable performance as Du Pont is undeniably the best feature of the film, with his character's eerie presence and ambiguous nature symbolising the tone I felt the film was trying to convey throughout its' two hour run-time. Both Carell and Tatum portray characters that are undeniably against type, and I felt this only enhanced the film's strengths, as it's dark and grim tone was unexpected, due in part to the fact that I had no previous knowledge of the events surrounding the story. 

Another strength of the film is Ruffalo's performance, who, like Carell, is nominated for a Golden Globe, yet what stuck me most about the film was it's clear emphasis on the notion of family, with themes throughout focusing on brotherhood, paternal and maternal instincts, as well as feelings of isolation, particularly in relation to Du Pont, whose Gatsby-esque wealth and fame, brings with it a sense of loneliness and despair, helped only by his unusual love for his very own Daisy Buchanan, in the form of Mark Schultz. 

Overall, Foxcatcher is a dark and twisted tale of one man's isolation which engaged me throughout. Its' grim nature and rather depressing feel may be too much for some, but in my opinion, Foxcatcher is a solid and surprising piece of cinema. Roll on the red carpet. 

Overall Score: 8/10

This is The End - Quicky Review -SPOILERS-

Here we are at the UK release of This Is The End has finally come.

This review here is going to have too be a quicky review for a few reasons.
1 - I didn't find it funny
2 - I don't like James Franco
3 - You can only write so much on a "Comedy"

So, This is the End is the tale of the world ending and a group of actors are fighting to survive in Franco's new mansion. It's premise is extremely simple and the focus is on the friendship between Jay Baruchel and Seth Rogen. Except of world domination, it becomes American domination and the only way to survive the world ending apocalypse is to do all the drugs possible.

For a 15, this movie is unbelievably bad. With a general audience which looked to be 13, jokes which were penis related (Which had no style) and then the constant barrage of swearing and sexual references didn't fit their target audience and was just an excuse for them to shout at each other. There was also a certain scene which c**t was used, So blatantly that it crossed the line for me. I can deal with swearing and sex jokes but they have to be done in style rather than a general attack. You will also notice something that niggles at you all the way through. Its never attacked, abused or joked about like everything else. It is Heaven and the Bible. A comedy about world destruction turns into a movie that preaches Christianity, America and how drugs are good.

Now, you would think that with such a huge cast, we would have some brilliant actors. Yet we have very little acting. The swearing and screaming doesn't constitute acting and appears to make the movie a piss about project for all of them. However, all the way through, I did feel that they were all horrible people and if that's what they were trying to portray, then they did it right.

The actors I did enjoy were Channing Tatum for his small cameo and Craig Robinson throughout. Craig seemed to be the most genuine of the bunch and had the funny moments that made you laugh

rather than just a smile.

Visually, a movie with a huge budget for actors, should have a decent sized budget for all of the demons and various other evil dwellers. Yet everything seem blurry or pixilated with little time spent on them. The only good bit of VFX was Satan's representation at the end. As much as it was phallic,
it was clear and looked quite genuine.

Overall, I didn't really like the movie, so it is getting 4/10. It was loud and obnoxious without any good jokes to make me laugh. I can understand jokes that the Ted movie uses, as it is all so silly, done with style and all around abusive to everyone, but when you compare it too this, you see that it is incredibly mediocre and dick jokes can only go so far. One of the reasons that I could stand it was the music used throughout. It was varied and even had a Backstreet Boys cameo at the end that was funny. Alongside some good cinematography, it deserves my ranking, but I find it hard to understand many of the critics that are praising it as the comedy of the year.