Film Review: Annabelle Comes Home

"Everything You See In Here Is Either Haunted, Cursed, Or Has Been Used In Some Kind Of Ritualistic Practice. Nothing’s A Toy..."

Following on from the most anti-horror horror movie of the year so far in the form of the excellent and magnificently barmy, Midsommar, your local cinema screen this week is once again reunited with the more mainstream, financially friendly sight of the Conjuring universe, with everyone's favourite and overtly nightmarishly designed porcelain doll gracing the big screen once again just in time for the summer holidays. With the tangential Annabelle series beginning particularly sloppy and then improving rather nicely for 2017's nicely worked, Annabelle: Creation, the financial success of both ultimately results in yet another very familiar threequel in the form of Annabelle Comes Home, the seventh installment in Warner Bros' horror series banker which sees returning screenwriter, Gary Dauberman, bumped up to directorial duties in his big screen debut for a movie which is the definition of a very safe pair of cow-poking and slightly creepy, fog covered hands. 

Whilst the leading antagonistic figure of "Annabelle" itself is fundamentally creepy on first glance, conveying to the rules of horror by inverting objects which are meant to bring joy and happiness, the sheer amazement that only one, rather unkempt doll has successfully landed a trilogy of spin-off movies is rather impressive in its' own right, and whilst Creation was the first movie aside from the central Conjuring pictures to really have its' own voice, Dauberman's movie does annoyingly take a slight step back, offering less of an enjoyable cliche and more of a semi-talented, copy and pasted template with only minor delights. Of the more positive elements, the cinematography and set design is actually pretty darn neat, with nice inventive set pieces, including one referenced in the movie's trailer involving a multi-colour night light, offering a certain level of creepiness, something of which can be somewhat lacking from the weakest of the series' offerings such as The Nun and The Curse of La Llorona, and with yet another standout performance from Mckenna Grace (I, Tonya) in the film's leading role, Annabelle Comes Home is not exactly the worst horror genre film, it just happens to be one which screams "PLAY IT SAFE." 

Overall Score: 5/10

Film Review: The Curse of La Llorona

"Have They Heard Her Crying? Have They Felt The Sting Of Her Tears? They Will, And She Will Come For Them..."

Winning the award for most unpronounceable title of the year so far, The Conjuring universe returns once again to the big screen like a distressed, lost puppy eager for ticket sales with The Curse of La Llorona, a ridiculously silly and scare-free cinematic cliche which attempts to build on the Mexican folklore of the same name. Produced by franchise stalwart, James Wan, and directed by American filmmaker, Michael Chaves, in his big screen debut after a succession of short films, La Llorona sees the usually reliable Linda Cardellini (Green Book) as Mexican-born social care worker, Anna, who after investigating the disappearance of a past client's two young children, falls under the murderous spell of the titular "weeping woman", a CGI heavy, poorly designed spectre who soon takes a liking to her two young children still reeling from the death of their father. Whilst audiences and critics alike are now totally clued up in regards to what to expect from a franchise as unreliable and uninspiring as the one in which La Llorona sits, one has to take some form of nostalgia by remembering just how darn good both The Conjuring and The Conjuring Two actually were, but with the likes of Annabelle and The Nun clearly showing how such a series may have stretched a point slightly too far, Chaves' debut unsurprisingly nestles nicely with the latter as it fails to ignite any sense of intrigue whatsoever.  

Beginning in familiar horror movie fashion by attempting to rationalise the decision behind the main antagonist's desire for death, La Llorona soons falls into the trap of offering up cliche after cliche as the primary threat is harnessed through endless jump scares, a tactic of which doesn't exactly pay off as such well versed genre tropes come across as neither surprising or in any way scary, resulting in heavy sighs every time the sound system in the cinema gets a good old test run as we are mistreated to cranked up violins or the endless wailing of our titular ghostie. With the film falling into the Sinister trap by showing way too much way too soon in regards to the evil at the heart of the drama come the hour mark, the film also soon loses all sense of originality completely, resorting to repetitive, dull and thoroughly uninteresting set pieces which all seem to be designed in order to justify the ninety minute runtime, but with no sense of threat or dread at all as it plays towards a very middling and family friendly conclusion, the scariest part of The Curse of La Llorona is that such a film was actually made in the first place. 

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: Aquaman

"My Father Was A Lighthouse Keeper. My Mother Was A Queen. But Life Has A Way Of Bringing People Together. They Made Me What I Am..."

With Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad and the morbidly depressing, Justice League, all successfully topping the charts for the worst contemporary examples of the superhero genre over the course of the past couple of years, the release of Aquaman ironically ends a twelve month period in which the Marvel Cinematic Universe has undoubtedly solidified itself as the most impressive and respected comic-based franchise ever, which in the process of doing so, effectively ends any chance for their DC Comics counterpart to pull themselves out from the gaping black hole created from their woefully inadequate skills at creating a similarly interesting universe. Aside from Wonder Woman and the first half of Man of Steel, even the most optimistic of DC fanboys must admit Warner Bros in general has ultimately failed in giving the fans what they want, but with every subsequent release there is always a rare ray of hope, and with the release of Aquaman, directed by James Wan, the interesting mind behind the likes of Saw, The Conjuring and most crucially, Furious 7, the DC universe finally has a movie which knows not to take itself too seriously and embrace the notion that when people go to the cinema, they generally want to be entertained. Whilst not exactly reaching the heights of Patty Jenkins' Wonder Woman or even Man of Steel, Wan's movie is a partial step in the right direction for the DC universe, an absurdly bonkers aquatic adventure with a central hero who not only is likeable but actually looks like he is having a blast, and for someone who has sat through the likes of Batman vs. Superman, what a relief it is to see the franchise move out of the morbidly depressing and into some sort of optimistic light. 

Completely disregarding the overriding sensibility of the universe in which it sits by choosing to utilise a lighter, more welcoming tone which feels more in the ilk of Marvel than any release previously, Aquaman is a film which undoubtedly knows how fundamentally silly the source material truly is, and with shots of a drum playing octopus and armoured sea horses, Wan chooses to embrace the absurdity rather than fall into the trap of the Snyder-led ventures which have attempted to follow the route of Nolan when making the as of yet not bettered, The Dark Knight trilogy. With Momoa pretty much perfectly cast in a role oozing with charisma and charm, the Hawaiian's physically imposing persona and likeable rockabilly style makes him alongside Gal Gadot, one of the more memorable leading performers in the franchise thus far, and with some interesting supporting performances from the likes of Nicole Kidman, (Lion) Willem Dafoe (Spider-Man) and long term Wan counterpart, Patrick Wilson (The Conjuring), the only real minor blimp in terms of the acting slate is Amber Heard (The Danish Girl) whose role as the central love interest is rather underdeveloped and overly two dimensional. With a storytelling technique much simpler than previous entries within the universe and some interesting action scenes when Momoa's physicality is utilised in a practical sense, the overriding downside is undoubtedly the over-reliance on CGI which makes up a huge percentage of the film's action, but with the film overall miles head of the worst the DCEU has come to offer, Aquaman is enjoyable enough to be sort of heading in the right direction for a franchise that still falls behind its' Marvel equivalent by quite a fair margin. 

Overall Score: 6/10 

Film Review: The Nun

"The Abbey Has A Long History. Not All Good..."

Presenting itself as the fifth entry in the surprisingly successful The Conjuring franchise which began in 2013 with James Wan's ferociously entertaining opening chapter, The Nun, directed by British filmmaker, Corin Hardy, takes the franchise back even further into the past as we see Taissa Farmiga's (American Horror Story) Sister Irene venture into Romania circa 1952 alongside Demián Bichir's (The Hateful Eight) Father Burke in order to investigate the recent suicide of a nun from the local abbey. With an abundance of torrid genre conventions and cliches, laughable special effects and a tiresome reliance on boring, repetitive jump scares, Hardy's addition to The Conjuring franchise is undoubtedly the weakest entry yet, a movie which fails to ignite the interest which its' predecessors carried in spades thanks to a complete ignorance of movie-making fundamentals including a paper thin plot and borderline insulting levels of characterisation which results in The Nun being a painful and overly ridiculous supernatural horror which jerks at the chance to create something special with what is undoubtedly a horrifying and spooky titular character. 

With Hardy's only previous cinematic endeavour so far being 2015's The Hallow, a trashy, supernatural horror B-movie, its' no real surprise that The Nun covers similar ground, with an over-inflated mist budget and creepy religious landmarks setting the stage up with open arms for a movie which you are praying (no pun intended) makes the most of its' many fundamentally spooky elements. Unfortunately, with an utterly dire script by horror aficionado Gary Dauberman (It) where plot is overshadowed by dour set pieces in which scares are few and even jump-scares are awfully timed, Hardy fails to grab the attention of even the most lenient of horror audiences, and with the added impotence of some overly hokey performances by the likes of Jonas Bloquet (Elle) as "Frenchie" a try-hard, mopey local who deserves to die the moment the audience lays eyes on him, The Nun becomes more of a laugh out loud comedy as it claws its' way towards a finish line which crow-bars its' very faint relation to the wider The Conjuring universe. With Taissa Farmiga following in the footsteps of her sister (The Conjuring's Vera Farmiga) by undoubtedly being the best part of the film, The Nun isn't entirely woeful, it's just a movie in which its' trailer is a much scarier and tighter work of horror than the full feature. 

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: Insidious: The Last Key

"I've Faced Many Evil's In My Life. This One Is Different Though..."

Acting as the latest entry within the ongoing Blumhouse Production line of horror releases, Insidious: The Last Key, the fourth and supposedly final picture within the rather drawn out Insidious franchise, is the first big screen jump-fest to hit multiplexes this year, and whilst there is a lack of consideration, particularly from myself, in regards to why yet another sequel is necessary to a franchise which suffers from a bruising sense of unmemorability, aside from its' rather creepy first entry back in 2010, The Last Key is a somewhat acceptable, time-passing affair. Directed by horror stalwart Adam Robitel, whose previous releases in the form of The Taking of Deborah Logan and Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension acts as confident evidence for his directorial appointment, The Last Key primarily focuses on Lin Shaye's psychic ghost hunter, Elise Rainier, as she returns to face the fears of her childhood in order to help Kirk Acevedo's Ted Garza who calls for aid after experiencing strange hauntings within the house Rainier and her long lost brother grew up in under the watchful eye of their monstrous father. 

Suffering in a way which most contemporary horror sequels, prequels and spin-offs ultimately do by feeling just a little bit worse for wear in terms of the freshness of the narrative and overall surprise factor, Robitel's movie ironically begins in impressive fashion, heading further back in time to explore Rainier's childhood in order to lay the groundwork for the story ahead, and with two mightily timed jump scares to start off proceedings, The Last Key was in danger of becoming much better than one might have expected. Unfortunately, yet not exactly surprisingly, however, the swift move back to the somewhat present day then brings about the middling return to a horror blueprint which covers everything from screaming dead entities to an overkill sensibility regarding the use of cliched horror tropes, tropes which become tiring as they finalise by simply resorting each and every time to the cattle prod horror cinema audiences seem to lap up. With comedy which doesn't always work coming from the Chuckle Brothers of horror in the form of Rainier's bumbling assistants and a concluding reveal which is unsurprising and hokey, The Last Key is pretty much your substandard horror sequel, but for the impressive first ten minutes, a committed performance from Shaye and a sense that finally the series has been put to bed, Robitel's movie isn't a classic but it at least works in a audience pleasing kind of fashion which for many, is all that you need. 

Overall Score: 5/10

Film Review: Annabelle: Creation

"Forgive Me, Father, For I Am About To Sin..."

Of all the contemporary horror franchises currently still running, The Conjuring universe is one which although isn't as groundbreaking as many believe it is within the horror genre, still manages to succeed in some regard, primarily because of how much fun they are, with there always being enough effective jump-scares and spooky children to please the most mediocre of horror fans even when the plot lines are so strikingly familiar to horror enthusiasts. Whilst the cattle-prod approach of jump scare cinema isn't at all what I deem as ingredients for a decent horror movie, the trope is becoming so well-worn in the current cinematic climate that to see horror films take any other approach is somewhat of a miracle, and whilst Annabelle: Creation isn't exactly breaking the mould of what we have come to expect from the James Wan-led staple, the addition of Lights Out director David F. Sandberg alongside some enjoyably camp set pieces, the prequel/sequel to 2014's Annabelle is good enough to warrant its' existence, even when the narrative swings and overall themes don't hold the tension and fear factor you expect from a classic horror.

With Sandberg in charge after his high-profile success with Lights Out, Creation is a movie which focuses extensively on the quintessential notion that darkness and the absence of light results completely in absorbing the audience into a state of fear, and whilst the spooky factor begins well for the first half of the movie, as soon as the movie shows it's hand and reveals the rather clunky demonic presence at the heart of the movie, the tension does inevitably fall apart. With endless shots of lightbulbs either exploding or magically decreasing in strength, Sandberg's abnormal obsession with such basic horror tropes does become rather grating come the ramped-up final act, yet for the first hour or so, the haunted house formula and multiple usage of camera angles which focus on either ambiguous presences or the rounded, creepy face of the titular porcelain doll are solid enough to keep the interest held, even when questionable decisions from our leading characters puts such comforts at some sort of risk. Creation isn't a masterpiece, but I can safely say I was never bored and for the time it was on screen, Sandberg's big budget debut passed the time nicely. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Lights Out

"Ghosts Don't Exist..."

Although horror films of the 21st century that tend to lean more on the side of the theory that if its' dark and loud, people will find it inherently spooky, tend to be movies that are less inclined to be remembered as masterpieces of the genre, David F. Sandberg's Lights Out, the latest James Wan inflicted horror based upon the short film of the same name written and directed by Sandberg himself back in 2013, doesn't exactly break the mould of bang-average horror re-hashes, but it is most definitely one of the better additions to the genre in the past few years. Although Lights Out is yet another case of a horror movie that includes cliches galore and noticeable riffs from previous horror ventures, the film does manage to at least get the job done in the most effective time possible, swaying away from being dragged out long enough to delve into its' rather questionable plot devices whilst effectively playing out in the correct, logical fashion during its' final act.

Where the films' strengths inherently lie is the age-old idea that darkness is indeed not man's best friend, with the danger and ambiguity it brings being personified by the embodiment of Diana, a malevolent spirit latched onto the broken mind of Sophie (Maria Bello) whose children become the target of Diana's unstable nastiness. Although the film isn't exactly terrifying, the sense of threat that Diana brings with her every time she is on screen in the first hour or so is indeed quite startling. Of course, the fundamental notion of monsters in the dark isn't exactly original either, with films such as Darkness Falls and The Woman In Black coming to the forefront of my mind, yet before the big revelation of Diana within the films' dodgy final act, her presence alone was enough to be worthy of admission. Not groundbreaking, but surprisingly solid, Lights Out is popcorn-ridden horror from start to finish. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: The Conjuring 2

"This Is My Home. Get Out Now..."

When it comes to originality and genre-bending ideas within the realm of horror cinema, perhaps such a genre is the hardest in which to grasp a concept of freshness with cliches and tropes alike being ever present within recent examples of what makes a 21st century horror movie. With The Conjuring, the unbelievably successful 2013 horror directed by Saw creator James Wan, the genre of horror was never more boosted into the spotlight, where although the film suffers from a sense of rehashing ideas from other, better and more influential movies from the past, there was indeed a sense of enjoyment that the horror genre has not completely vanished into nonexistence. As per the norm in the land of Hollywood, the success of the original has now sprouted a sequel, once again led by director James Wan whilst switching from the rural environment of Rhode Island to the working class locale of Ponders End, Enfield. Much like its' predecessor, The Conjuring 2 is a cliche ridden blockbuster, the horror equivalent of the Marvel franchise where the same blueprint is laid down to satisfy the masses but ultimately something of non-importance and irrelevance but also something that is inherently good fun with some major jump scares thrown in for good measure. 

After being criticised for their involvement in the Amityville murders, Ed and Lorraine Warren are left to wonder whether their occupation as demonologists are becoming subject to irrelevance in a time where science has overtaken the beliefs of the supernatural and the unknown. Reluctant to carry on their duties, Lorraine becomes transfixed with the notion that if they continue, Ed may indeed die at the hands of the insidious entity that has been stalking her within her visions. Against all warnings however, the Warrens are asked by the church to travel to London to investigate supposed paranormal activity in the home of the Hodgson's, one of the most notorious real-life cases in the history of paranormal research, yet they soon realise their involvement within the case may be part of a larger picture, one that threatens the lives of both Ed and Lorraine. Creaky doors and windows? Check. Huge spine-tingling jump scares? Check. Creepy children and spooky entities? Oh yeah. Of course The Conjuring 2 is not exactly the most original horror movie, with nods to The Exorcist, The Evil Dead and a severe likeliness to films such as Insidious and Sinister from recent years, but what it is is entertaining, entertainment that although is way too long, with a ridiculous two hour plus run-time, is guaranteed for success. There's one thing you can rely on from the general public; they love their creepy movies. Good on them.

Overall Score: 7/10

Film Review: Insidious: Chapter Three

Alone In The Dark

Looking back at the career of Leigh Whannell so far, there is a solid enough amount of evidence to argue that the hugely annoying norm of "cattle-prod" cinema that infests our cinemas and classes itself as "horror" nowadays is essentially pretty much his own doing. Bit harsh, yeah, but with writing credits that include the Saw series, Dead Silence, and the first two Insidious movies manifesting from his own mind, I think I have a partial leg to stand on. Maybe not, but hey, when you delve a bit deeper and look at his constant affiliation with James Wan, the argument gets a tiny bit stronger when we see The Conjuring and Annabelle added to that list. The plot thickens. But enough of my hatred anyhow, as now we have Insidious Chapter 3, a new film in the series of "horror" flicks that should  never have got past the first film, which in all honesty I did kind of actually enjoy but was then subsequently angered by the turgid sequel that swiftly followed. But now we have a prequel to the first film once again featuring Lin Shaye who reprises her role as eerie ghost whisperer, Elise Rainier, but the real question is, how much of a boring, stinker of a film can it possibly be? Well to be honest, its' kinda spooky. 

When teenager Quinn (Stefanie Scott) disregards all previous rules of horror flicks and attempts to contact her dead mother, she inadvertently makes contact with a creepy, seemingly asthmatic demon who seeks to bring her to the depths of hell or wherever that place is that looks a lot like the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks, without the dancing dwarf of course. Enter Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye) who is subsequently tasked with preventing such evil deeds from occurring whilst avoiding her own fate of death from the rip-off  Jennet Humfyre, i.e. the Woman in Black. Even in the plot synopsis you can see how many cliches, rip-offs, and stolen scenes are used to lesser effect within Insidious Chapter 3, with elements of The Exorcist, Poltergeist, and The Shining all appearing in some shape of form during its' 90 minute runtime, but there were certain moments in which it proper freaked me out and where the use of a cattle-prod was put to one side for the time being, and for that I can safely say, was particularly pleasing to see. It may not have been as good as the first, but Insidious Chapter 3 is leagues better than its' predecessor making it a solid, if rather similar, entry into the horror canon. 

Overall Score: 5/10