Film Review: Ad Astra

"He Gave His Life For The Pursuit Of Knowledge. Because Up There Is Where Our Story Is Going To Be Told..."

After sending half the audience to sleep with the ridiculously overrated, The Lost City of Z, back in 2016, American filmmaker, James Gray, returns to the world of cinema this week with Ad Astra, a spectacle heavy, big screen science fiction blockbuster which continues the volcano-sized, heatwave of excellence the one and only Brad Pitt is currently on after his absolutely superb work on 2019's best film of the year so far in the form of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Co-written by both Gray and Ethan Gross who reunite after their work together on Z, Ad Astra is a knowingly, and at times shockingly uncanny hybrid of Apocalypse Now and 2001: A Space Odyssey, a strangely sanctimonious science fiction thinker set in the near future which sees Pitt as Major Roy McBride, a decorated, dedicated and emotionally vacuous astronaut who is sent to the now commercially exploited reaches of Mars in order to make contact with his revered yet long lost father after power surges damaging the Earth are seen to be originating from his last known position; the far reaches of Neptune.  

Upon accessing the IMDB trivia page, director James Gray wanted Ad Astra to include the most "realistic depiction of space travel that's been put in a movie" and likened the project himself to include elements of Joseph Conrad, the author who of course supplied the blueprint for Apocalypse Now with "Heart of Darkness", and whilst the picture does indeed owe an enormous debt to simply beautiful cinematography from Hoyte van Hoytema, the acclaimed DP with previous credits on Interstellar and Dunkirk, it's fair to say that Gray's movie is one of the most ill-disciplined, so-called "clever" science fiction movies I have ever seen. Whilst I can bypass all manner of technical specifications when it comes to science fiction if the narrative has me engaged all the way through, Ad Astra is so clearly a rip-off of all similarly plotted movies to come before it that as soon as I was aware the full extent of where the movie would ultimately go, I simply became a vessel of negativity eager to plot black hole-shaped craters into elements which just didn't work whatsoever. Whilst Pitt does a solid job offering a central performance which is one half Ryan Gosling circa First Man and the other half Sam Rockwell à la Moon, as soon as the poorly designed, floating, maniacal monkeys (yes, really) showed up, I'd had enough of the narrative and focused more on the stupendous technical achievements of a movie which felt the need to become more stupid as it went on, and whilst Ad Astra failed to send me to sleep, Gray's latest is indeed a spectacular technical achievement which fails at the first hurdle when it comes to a decent narrative. Want good science fiction? High Life is the 2019 movie to go to. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Godzilla: King of the Monsters

"Our World Is Changing. The Mass Extinction We Feared Has Already Begun. And We Are The Cause. We Are The Infection..."

With Gareth Edwards having the chance to bring the infamous sight of cinema’s most versatile monster to the big screen once again in 2014’s visually stunning, Godzilla, Legendary Entertainment’s so called “MonsterVerse” was thus born in an attempt to choke audiences and critics alike with yet another extended universe. With the so-so success of Kong: Skull Island back in 2017, this week sees Godzilla: King of the Monsters be released, acting as the second chapter in the fire-breathing legend’s repertoire before taking on Mr. Kong himself in Godzilla vs. Kong next year. With Edwards choosing not to return for a second outing, the directing mantle is instead handed to Michael Dougherty (Krampus) who along with an endless digital effects and explosives budget, has the absolute pleasure to work with an absolute top-notch, A-list cast, with the likes of the returning Sally Hawkins (The Shape of Water) and Ken Watanabe (Batman Begins) joined by the ever-reliable presence of Vera Farmiga (The Conjuring) and Kyle Chandler (Manchester by the Sea) for a movie which in all honesty, completely wastes the army of talent involved as it pummels you to death with endless carnage, ear-grating dialogue and a central story which rivals Geostorm for having the stupidest screenplay of the past five years or so.

Whilst it may be slightly highbrow to head into a Godzilla movie wanting something much more than just two plus hours of entire cities being dismantled by gargantuan, irresponsible titans, the fact remains that Edwards' own interpretation of Godzilla was first and foremost primarily interested in its' characters, with his movie essentially a family drama which just happened to include world destroying monsters, and whilst Dougherty's movie seems to have similar desires, woeful characterisation and exposition heavy dialogue means that in terms of an empathetic level, his movie is completely lifeless and unengaging come the forty minute mark when the army of superb acting talent is left behind in favour of endless and ridiculously overblown set pieces. With the likes of Farmiga, Chandler and the now heavily typecast, Charles Dance, all wasted, with the latter essentially playing a high-tech version of Tywin Lannister, the only two redeeming features of the piece is rising star, Millie Bobby Brown, of Stranger Things fame, who with her extended level of screen time undoubtedly gives the best performance of the lot, and of course, the monsters themselves, with the titular 'Zilla, the three headed Ghidorah and the beautiful Mothra all actually incredibly well designed, resulting in a couple of epic shots which deserve to be witnessed on the biggest screen possible. Whilst King of the Monsters doesn't hit the sordid lows of Roland Emmerich's version, Dougherty's vision is a messy, palm-inducing two hundred million dollar B-movie which should be a guilty pleasure but instead, is immediately forgettable.

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: Dumbo

"Hi, Baby Dumbo, Welcome To The Circus. We're All Family Here, No Matter How Small..."

With the world currently in a cinematic state of affairs where Walt Disney Studios have decided to take it upon themselves to remake every single famous animated classic from the past century or so, one could argue that the impact and timelessness of the originals means re-hashing them again for live-action cash grabs isn't exactly worth the hassle. However, with the excellent Cinderella, the very good The Jungle Book and the middling solidness of Beauty and the Beast showing that sometimes remakes or "reimaginings" do ultimately work on a critical level, here we are once again with Dumbo, the latest big screen adaptation of the 1941 film of the same which famously came into fruition in order to recoup the financial losses of one of my favourite Disney releases; Fantasia. Directed by the Gothic wackiness of Tim Burton (Beetlejuice, Batman) and featuring a screenplay from American screenwriter, Ehren Kruger, whose eclectic back catalogue unfortunately contains the likes of Transformers: Age of Extinction and The Ring Two, Dumbo circa 2019 follows a very familiar holding pattern to the live-action predecessors that have come before it, a movie which is obviously designed to open a new generation into the well-versed tale of the large-eared elephant but a movie too which is undoubtedly the weakest example of the Disney remakes to grace the big screen thus far. 

With Burton's last movie in the form of Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children one of the most tonally awkward films in recent history, the American's approach to Dumbo sort of falls upon familiar ground, where although the basic storyline from the 1941 original remains the same, the decision to add on nearly an hour of running time results in expansion for the sake of expansion without any real depth or substance to any of the major characters aside from the titular elephant who through the miracle of digital effects is rightfully cutesy and undeniably adorable. With the film managing to come off more depressing than fun for the majority of the action, the simple fact remains that not one human character manages to evoke any sense of sympathy throughout the drama, with the dwindling accented Colin Farrell (In Bruges) and Eva Green (Casino Royale) both left to hang by the one dimensional waste-side, the young actors not entirely captivating nor memorable, and the rather geeky reunion of Michael Keaton (Birdman) and Danny DeVito (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) after their work together on Burton's, Batman Returns, ultimately a massive let down. Decent digital effects and a couple of giggle-inducing comments aside, Tim Burton continues his dwindling career path with a remake which is neither interesting or worthy of existence. At least the racist birds aren't there this time. 

Overall Score: 5/10

Film Review: The Kid Who Would Be King

"Alexander Elliot, It Was You Who Drew The Sword! This Realm Faces Mortal Danger..!"

In a time in which both King Arthur: Legend of the Sword and the awfully misjudged, Robin Hood, at least effectively reminded everyone that sometimes rolling out the same old story time and time again isn't always the best quick route to success, the release of The Kid Who Would Be King sees yet another legendary tale being brought to the big screen just in time for half term. Directed and written by Joe Cornish, whose previous credits include Attack the Block and the screenplay for 2015's Ant-Man, the London born filmmaker helms a family friendly retelling of the Arthurian legend, this time set in the heart of contemporary England as we follow Louis Ashbourne Serkis' (Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle) Alexander, a geeky and overly charming school pupil who soon becomes central to thwarting the resurfacing of the evil presence of Morgana, who attempts to take over Earth after centuries away in waiting for the planet to fall into a particularly desolate point of crisis. With supporting trailers for the movie which teetered on the edge of awfulness, the signs weren't exactly overwhelmingly positive heading into Cornish's latest, and whilst The Kid Who Would Be King does have some interesting ideas alongside some likeable themes ideas, the latest spin on the well versed fantastical tale is admirable, but is too a movie which fails on a fundamental level of not entirely being worthy up upon the big screen. 

With Serkis following in the footsteps of his father, Gollum himself, Andy Serkis, by immediately coming across as a more than adequate lead performer, the initial thirty minutes set up is actually rather well done, with Cornish's script managing to blend youth infused comedy with the ridiculousness of the central legend as we our introduced to both Alex's home life with his struggling single mother and his school life, which is balanced between the daily battle against constant bullying from Tom Taylor (The Dark Tower) and Rhianna Dorris' Lance and Kay, and his friendship with Dean Chaumoo's Bedders, the self proclaimed Samwise to Alex's Frodo. With Excalibur soon being thrusted from its' positioning in a desolate building yard, the arrival of Angus Imrie's Led Zeppelin supporting Merlin pushes the comedic elements of the movie into a string of constant Thor esque gags as we witness the wizard attempt to make the wide-eyed fellow pupils of Alex aware of impending doom. Sharing the role with the wispy white haired figure of Patrick Stewart (Logan), Merin is undoubtedly the most interesting character within the drama, with Rebecca Ferguson's, (Mission: Impossible - Fallout) Morgana, ridiculously underwritten, resulting in a threat level which is shared with the awfulness of Toby Kebbell in Destroyer.  As the movie swings past the hour mark however, the remaining fifty minutes annoyingly become devoid of fun, ideas or decent editing, concluding with a final special-effects laden battle which seems to have less production value than the early episodes of Doctor Who, and whenever a film tests my patience after starting so well, the final package isn't really worth it come the end of it. Solid, but very mediocre indeed. 

Overall Score: 5/10

Film Review: Bumblebee

"Bumblebee, Our War Rages On. You Must Protect Earth, And Its People..."

With Transformers: The Last Knight undoubtedly holding the title for one of the worst films in recent cinematic history last year, the thought of having to endure yet another entry in the undying Hasbro based franchise heading into the last few weeks of the year harnessed a similar reaction to being handed a large straw bag of coal for Christmas after anticipating something much more useful and entertaining. Extravagant similes aside, heading into Bumblebee after being made aware that no longer were the awful directorial mittens of Michael Bay actually attached to the project, with the American killer of contemporary cinema reduced to a slight producing role, my expectations were somehow slightly raised in anticipation of a movie which just might get the subject matter bang on for the very first time in just over the course of an entire decade. Directed by the BAFTA winning Travis Knight, a filmmaker famous for his works on animation, with the excellent Kubo and the Two Strings acting as the American's official directorial debut, it comes as no surprise that Bumblebee is undoubtedly the first film in the Transformers franchise to actively be of any good, with it being a character driven, effects heavy coming-of-age science fiction adventure which scrapes the pallet clean of the woe which came before it and offers up a thoroughly entertaining and engaging end of year blockbuster. Yes that's right, I got weepy at a Transformers movie. 

Of the many plus points, the primary concern of Bumblebee clearly settles on an intention to go with a completely alternative filmic sensibility to the previous entries in the franchise, with the painful epileptic editing, jokes about statutory rape and fascination with up skirt camera shots thankfully no more in favour of a film with a central narrative both enjoyable and crucially, family friendly. Along with proving just how awful a filmmaker Michael Bay has turned out to be, Knight's movie understands the notion and impact of character depth, with Hailee Steinfield's (The Edge of Seventeen) central music obsessed teen, Charlie Watson, beaming with levels of effective characterisation unseen previously within the franchise within the first five minutes of the movie. With the CGI superbly noticeable due to the film's somewhat low-key approach in comparison to previous ventures, the relationship between Charlie and the cutesy titular robot in disguise is undoubtedly the most impressive aspect of the movie, with laugh out loud comedic set pieces and charming interactions resulting in a central partnership which brings to mind the likes of E.T and at times, Big Hero 6. With a crowd pleasing era-based musical jukebox featuring the likes of Tears for Fears, Simple Minds and a continual riff regarding The Smiths, Knight's movie is a surprisingly accessible and charming Transformers adventure, a movie with so much to like even with a rather cliched central plot, yet the most crucial aspect of Bumblebee is that it is a movie which sets a precedent and platform for potential future films in the franchise by clearly signalling to everyone involved; THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A MOVIE IN THE RIGHT WAY. Please take note. 

Overall Score: 7/10

Film Review: Mortal Engines

"Sixty Minutes Is All It Took To Bring Humanity To The Very Brink Of Extinction. Mankind Mobilized, A New Age Arose..."

Executively produced and partially written by the mastermind of fantasy cinema, Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings), Mortal Engines, the debut big screen release from long-time Jackson collaborator, Christian Rivers, acts as a live-action adaptation of the 2001 book of the same name from the series of novels, The Mortal Engines Quartet, from English author Philip Reeve. With Jackson purchasing the rights to Reeve's award winning novels all the way back in 2009, the nine year production process finally pays dividends this week, offering the chance for audiences both privy to the novels and those completely unaware of Reeve's written world to breathe in the supposed beginning of yet another groundbreaking science fiction franchise, and with the added incentive of Jackson's central involvement in the project something to particularly savour after his successes in the decade plus Middle Earth based filmography, what seriously could go wrong? Shockingly, pretty much everything, with Rivers' debut unfortunately an overly messy, unnecessary complicated and spectacularly dull adventure spectacle which substitutes basic and effective storytelling for a plethora of digital effects within a movie which once again proves how difficult it can be to transfer particular stories from paper onto the big screen. 

Suffering from the infamous Dune complex, which in other news is set to be once again revisited by the second best director working at the moment, Denis Villeneuve, very. very soon, Mortal Engines opens by describing a seemingly post-apocalyptic futureworld in which societies are now based upon huge, mechanical mobile machines, and even when the reasoning for such a dramatic shift isn't really explained to an effective extent to fully latch on aboard with straight away, such an opening is only the start of the varying issues at the heart of a movie which dreams big but ultimately falls into a two hours plus cinematic nightmare. With a central storyline which does manage to feel like a blended hybrid between the works of Frank Herbert, Tolkien and Star Wars, Rivers attempts to bring the Mad Max sensibility of the central landscape at the heart of the novels from paper to screen doesn't work whatsoever, with an over-reliance on CGI rather distracting and painfully bland to view upon the big screen, a particularly strange weakness when the technology has worked so well on previous ventures of a similar nature. With the always reliable Hugo Weaving (Lord of the Rings) well and truly chewing the scenery in the eyebrow raising central antagonist role, the film's best element is undoubtedly Hera Hilmar (The Fifth Estate) as the film's primary hero, a scarred, vengeful wasteland dweller who is unfortunately completely let down by her Han Solo rip-off of a love interest as played by Robert Sheehan (Mute) who seems to have fallen off the set of Gods of Egypt thanks to some truly awful, cringe-laden acting abilities which threatens to derail the movie as soon as he appears on screen. With a final act so obviously yet another contemporary take on the attack on the Death Star, one particular narrative twist did indeed make me bark out loud in laughter due to its' sheer absurdity, and with another three books potentially in place to be developed, the opening chapter of Jackson's latest adventure franchise begins in completely the wrong gear.  

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Robin Hood

"There's Been Whispers Of A Thief. He's Got Our Commoner's Looking Up, Seeing Hope..."

With the unintentional hilarity which ensued during last year's dire attempt to recreate one British legend in the form of Guy Ritchie's King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, in which a cameo from David Beckham was one of the better aspects of the movie, Hollywood's obsession with re-hashing well versed tales of adventure and heroism continues with yet another adaptation of Robin Hood, succeeding Ridley Scott's mediocre 2010 version as the most contemporary telling and one which utilises the talents of Taron Egerton (Kingsman: The Golden Circle) in the titular role. Directed by Otto Bathurst, a British filmmaker famous so far for his acclaimed work on the likes of Black Mirror and Peaky Blinders, and based on a debut script from Ben Chandler and David James Kelly, Robin Hood circa 2018 somehow manages to leapfrog in front of Guy Ritchie's work of nonsensical silliness with relative ease in terms of cinematic woefulness, channelling an off-kilter tonal mix between Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins and Monty Python and the Holy Grail as it attempts to redefine the age-old tale with a strange stylistic decision which seems to cater particularly for audiences who are simply after a slice of mindless fun. Unfortunately for Bathurst and co, Robin Hood isn't a movie which can be branded with such positivity, bordering instead more on the edge of being totally irredeemable as it slogs its' way through a two hour incoherent mess featuring awfully slim characters, a laughably bad script and feeling that once again a supposed future cinematic franchise dies spectacularly with its' first attempt. Whoops.

Opening with a cockney-geezer voice-over which instructs its' awaiting audience to forget everything they know about the tale of Robin of Loxley and be amazed at a fresh new take of the historic legend, hilariously, such a statement is ultimately completely contradicted almost immediately thanks to one of the most lazily constructed and cliched scripts not only this year but in living memory. Introducing our central hero as a toffee-nosed, obnoxious ruling class beefcake who quickly chooses to swap allegiances after four years of war, Egerton is charming to an extent but ultimately feels wickedly miscast as he is simply directed to portray a hooded version of his character from Kingsman, awful accent and all, and therefore loses all sense of belief in a performance which at times crossed into the realm of on-screen pantomime. Joining him on this list of miscastings, Jamie Foxx's (Baby Driver) role as a dodgily accented prisoner of war turned teacher is the American's worst on-screen appearance in recent history, whilst joining in on the pantomime sensibility of the film is surprisingly Ben Mendelsohn (Rogue One), an actor who aside from slowly being typecast as the turn-to Hollywood sneering villain, pulls off the most OTT and overly camp lead villain performance since Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending. With woefully directed action set pieces which include a jaw-droppingly misjudged opening scene set in a Iraqi inspired third-world war zone, automatic crossbows and all, and a penchant for utilising the "art" of slow-motion to paint over the pants choreography which seems directly inspired from similar tactics used in King Arthur, the latest version of Robin Hood isn't just bad, it's a lazy, pointless and amateurish so-called "blockbuster" which makes Guy Ritchie look like the reincarnation of Stanley Kubrick. Avoid like a CGI arrow to the chest. 

Overall Score: 3/10

TV Review: Doctor Who Series 11 Episode One - "The Woman Who Fell to Earth"

"So Today, I Want To Talk About The Greatest Woman I've Ever Met..."

Much like the beginning of Matt Smith's tenure as the Eleventh Doctor many moons ago, the eleventh series of Doctor Who brings with it both a fresh, new incarnation of the travelling Time Lord alongside an alternative showrunner, with Broadchurch creator, Chris Chibnall, taking over the reigns from Steven Moffat who presided over both Smith and Peter Capaldi's time in the role which boosted the show into international success. Getting the primary talking point from the new series out of the way, The Doctor has of course decided to shift genders, with Chibnall reuniting with Broadchurch star, Jodie Whittaker (Journeyman) to offer up the first female incarnation of the character in the show's fifty five year history, and whilst my main concern isn't of course anything to do with the gender of a character who not only is alien but has managed to last on our screens for over fifty years, there are particular worries regarding Chibnall's ability to take over a show loved by so many across the globe, particularly when you examine Chibnall's previous writing credits on the show which so far have been anything less than impressive. Here we are however and what "The Woman Who Fell To Earth" proved to us was that the show is indeed headed in a different course entirely to the Capaldi era, channeling more of the early Smith-led episodes for an opener which was high on ideas but low on execution. 

Utilising a full hour to not only introduce a brand new Doctor to the world but a considerable amount of new companions too, Chibnall grounds his opening episode in contemporary Sheffield, where a regenerated and slightly shaken Doctor crashes into the lives of the Sinclair family and Mandip Gill's probation serving Police Officer, Yaz, who believes her time is better spent than dealing with more than parking disputes. With hammy acting and quick-fire comedic dialogue, Chibnall's writing feels more than a touch of Moffat's handling of Matt Smith's Doctor, and even with a wide range of local, Northern banter which keeps on reminding that "We don't get aliens in Sheffield", Whittaker's first performance manages to blend the kookiness of Smith and Tennant with the sincere dramatic pull of a Eccleston or Capaldi, with the former particularly coming to mind in how his early beginnings seemed to show an actor uncomfortable with the lighter touches than the heavy doses of drama. With dark, brooding cinematography and a Blade Runner-esque heavy synth soundtrack from Murray Gold replacement, Segun Akinola, Chibnall's attempts at balancing the tonal waverings of the show does slightly fail, and even with a staggering amount of death and a rather creepy leading antagonist which looked like a cross between the Green Goblin and the monster from Jeepers Creepers, the feel of the show never really settled down but undeniably still managed to evoke more of the "classic" Who than one would have imagined. With bundles of exposition adding to its' downfall, "The Woman Who Fell to Earth" was no means a disappointment, just an opening hour which comes nowhere near to the excellent openings NuWho has presented in the past, and with nine weeks to flourish and become her own interpretation, Chibnall's' reign begins in interesting, if flawed fashion. That theme tune though. 

Overall Episode Score: 6/10

Film Review: The Meg

"That Thing's Out There. We Need To Find It And Kill It..."

Rushing onto the big screen and breaking the rules of conventional cinematic rules by managing to swerve away from straight-to-video bargain bucket where it undeniably belongs, everyone's favourite bald-headed Brit, Jason Statham (The Fate of the Furious) leads the cast of The Meg, a horrendously dire, B-Movie nightmare which sees Statham as Jonas Taylor, a seemingly invincible and overly irresistible rescue diver who is tasked alongside a team of awfully inane scientists to defeat the titular Megalodon, a seventy foot long murderous shark thought extinct which is released upon the world to chew upon the cannon fodder of citizens which lay in its' wake. Based upon the 1997 book "Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror" by American science fiction author, Steve Alten, The Meg fails on a comprehensive level of failing to be the type of movie which can be typecast as "so bad its' good", with the film's dire script, awful dialogue and shambolic acting performances all managing to co-exist together in a finished product which ranks up there with the worst cinema has offered up this year so far, a turgid release which makes you yearn for the sheer absurdity of Sharknado.

Whilst Jason Statham is the sort of actor whose presence is always welcome in any type of movie, his particular individual performance within The Meg is Oscar worthy in comparison to the carnival of awful side-notes which encompass the supporting cast, with the likes of Rainn Wilson (The Office), Ruby Rose (John Wick: Chapter Two) and the horrendously accented Li Bingbing (Transformers: Age of Extinction) all being handed woefully two-dimensional characters whose chemistry and comedic timing comes across utterly cringe-worthy at a range of different points during the action. With a screenplay which includes the type of dialogue where each character takes it in turn to shout obvious warnings and entirely lazy portions of tiresome exposition, The Meg seems to know the genre basis it attempts to sink its' teeth into quite clearly, but thanks to the staggeringly inadequate direction of Jon Turteltaub, a filmmaker renowned for the likes of The Sorcerers Apprentice and erm, Cool Runnings, the finished product is downright stale and unworthy of viewership, and whilst it's easy to poke fun at movies which try to be just good old fun instead of attempting to come across as the new Citizen Kane, The Meg just doesn't work at any level at all, and for a movie which happens to include the brooding baldness of Jason Statham, that's quite a startling feat in itself. 

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Skyscraper

"The Pearl Is The Tallest, Most Advanced Building In The World..."

With Rampage up there with one of the most tedious examples of over-inflated, digitally enhanced works of blockbuster trash so far this year, following on from the similarly painful endurance test which was last year's Jumanji remake, it's fair to say my opinion of Dwayne Johnson's acting pedigree has somewhat deteriorated recently, but with the release of Skyscraper, the latest movie from Rawson Marshall Thurber who reunites with Johnson after their work together on Central Intelligence, Johnson returns to the bombastic, B-Movie-centric blockbuster hero many have come to love in a movie which revels in its' utmost absurdity and succeeds in being nothing more than one heck of a fun ride. Based on a screenplay written by Thurber, Skyscraper is the type of disaster movie unashamed to scream out its' influences as it swerves between a mix of Die Hard, The Towering Inferno and Panic Room, with Johnson's former FBI agent turned amputee security adviser, Will Sawyer, forced into a perilous situation as he attempts to save his family who have been trapped within the titular structure coined "The Pearl" and a terrorist plot helmed by Roland Møller's (Atomic Blonde) muscular if underwritten Kores Botha. 

With the movie taking no time out of its' harmless ninety minute runtime at all for meaningful characterisation, with even Sawyer's opening catastrophic life-changing injury flashed through without cliff-notes, Thurber's screenplay is much more interested in using Johnson's physicality to influence the story in a fashion which was gratingly absent from the actor's previous endeavours on screen, particularly in the likes of Rampage when Johnson's natural charisma was wasted in favour of over-inflated digital pixels and explosions. Whether it be a bruising and practical one-on-one fist fight, holding up crumbling bridges with just his hands or taking a leap of faith with the movie's most bananas moment as his character evades certain death when jumping from a crane into the heart of the fire ridden tower in order to save his family, Skyscraper is indeed ridiculous, but the type of movie which manages to phase through its' cheesiness and leave you with an almighty grin, even with the inclusion of corny plot exposition and character deceptions which are so obvious there really wasn't any need to attempt to hide them in the first place. Whilst offering nothing new whatsoever to the genre in which it sits, Skyscraper is a ninety minute guilty pleasure which reinforces the love for Johnson that was once lost, proving that when placed in the right scenario, The Rock is the man you need to save you from certain death.  

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

"These Creatures Were Here Before Us. And If We're Not Careful, They're Going To Be Here After..."

With Colin Trevorrow's Jurassic World managing to take an eye-watering amount of cash at both the worldwide and U.S domestic box office back in 2015, a sequel to the return to all things dinosaurs was rather unsurprising and expected giving the current cinematic climate, and with Fallen Kingdom adding to the already mind-blowing array of big-screen blockbusters within the past six months, 2018 seems to be the year to beat in terms of record breaking ticket sales. With Trevorrow taking a step back from directorial duties for the time being, with the American reduced to executive producer before returning to the director's chair for the third Jurassic World instalment in 2021, The Orphanage and A Monster Calls director, J. A. Bayona takes control of a middle trilogy entry which remains high on gorgeous spectacle and charismatic characters, but one too which is aching for any meaningful level of substance, but with a flashy, beautifully designed catalogue of reincarnated dinosaurs and a riveting potential set-up for Jurassic World part three, Fallen Kingdom is a popcorn-induced exercise of cinematic box-ticking which becomes more rewarding the less you examine its' rather obvious many faults.

With the movie sweeping towards you with a break-neck speed from the outset, the frenetic pacing of the piece provides quite obviously a film which may have benefited from being broken in two, with the first hour dedicated to a return to Isla Nubar, the titular home of the Jurassic Park franchise, for the basis of a rescue operation after the introduction of previously inactive volcano which is set on eradicating all life on the island, and the second hour a hammer-horror style exaggerated set-piece which sees the newly created Indoraptor wreak havoc within the confines of a mansion where the richest of the rich have come to exploit the now captured prehistoric beasts. With characterisation out the window and the emphasis instead on set pieces, Bayona's movie attempts to juggle a wide range of interesting notions, ranging from animal rights to the strange inclusion of human cloning, amidst continuous destruction in order to both add something original and stay faithful to audiences who come to just see dinosaur mayhem on-screen, and whilst the end result is messy, the attempt can at least be applauded, particularly when some of the more downright horror inflicted elements of the movie work rather efficiently. With a handful of gorgeously executed shots, including the sight of a sole dinosaur being swollen up by the darkness of an on-shore volcano and the biggest survival downhill run seen in years, Bayona's take on the Jurassic World franchise is admirable and engaging enough to paint over the creases, and with a tantalising premise hinted at during its' conclusion, Fallen Kingdom is undoubtedly the middle act of a wider scheme which does its' duties well enough to suit the generic movie-going audience eager for some explosive digital dinosaur action.

Overall Score: 7/10

Film Review: Rampage

"Hell Of A Day, Huh? Science Experiments Falling From The Sky..."

Ever so slightly based on the incredibly retro arcade games of the same name which began all the way back in 1986, Brad Peyton (San Andreas) returns to the big screen with Rampage, a CGI ridden reunion with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle) which sees him front and centre of a science experiment gone massively out of control, resulting in gigantic, destructive beasts being let loose in the heart of Chicago. With the arcade game instructing players to destroy everything and anything in their wake whilst famously controlling an oversized gorilla in order to move on to the next level, Peyton's movie features a screenplay which attempts to sew together some form of genuine narrative around such, and with the aid of a seemingly unlimited digital effects budget and the presence of Johnson who always seems to lure in the big bucks, such a feat has somehow been accomplished, albeit one far from a standard of quality for the movie to be considered at all successful. With endless mind-numbing action, a ludicrous and thoroughly stupid narrative, and some ropy examples of both effects and acting alike, Peyton's movie is annoyingly not the fun blockbusting entertainer one may have hoped for, and whilst the movie may not have any issues at the ticket stand, the film seems only to work to a particular audience of which I can proudly admit I bear no chance of being part of.

With the film struggling to hold together a rafter of intertwining plot threads throughout its' overbearing 100 minute runtime, the first half hour attempts to build up the central relationship between Johnson's Davis Okoye, a retired soldier turned primatologist, and the albino gorilla, George, whose presence is managed through a mix of effects and Andy Serkis-inspired motion capture, and with it difficult to think of anything other than Rise of the Planet of the Apes and its' subsequent critically acclaimed sequels when it comes to a cinematic relationship between man and ape, Rampage does manage to hold its' respective bond to a solid and passable degree. Unfortunately for the rest of the movie, come the latter two-thirds when destruction upon destruction is the central focus for a staggeringly dull and unpleasant period of time, all the good work is undone and the film essentially becomes an amalgamation of Pacific Rim, Transformers and all the other bloated works of cinema which don't earn their decision for utter and ultimate destructive chaos. Throw into the mix truly awful performances from the likes of Jake Lacy (Their Finest) and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen), with the latter essentially just doing his role of Negan from The Walking Dead, Peyton's mix is a real uninteresting work of nonsense which fails to capture both the enjoyment of the video game in which it derives from and the guilty pleasure sensibility in which it undeniably should have aimed for.

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Ready Player One

"This Isn't Just A Game. I'm Talking About Actual Life And Death Stuff..."

With The Post earlier this year garnering a wide flurry of Oscar nominations and a critical consensus which boarded on the side of rousing positivity, a return to form for director Steven Spielberg after the yawn-inducing mediocrity of The BFG was welcomed with open arms, and with only three months since its' release here in the UK, Spielberg returns once again to the movie-fold with Ready Player One, a cinematic adaptation of Ernest Cline's 2011 science fiction adventure novel of the same name. Projected in 3D for its' preview screening release, Spielberg's latest primarily focuses on Tye Sheridan's (X-Men: Apocalypse) Wade Watts, a slum-stricken teen who uses the environment of the OASIS, a virtual reality gaming platform created by Mark Rylance's (Dunkirk) recently deceased James Halliday, to both escape his daily slumber and more importantly, to join many others in the hunt for three "Easter Eggs" left within the game by Halliday before his death which give the finder both riches beyond belief and the key to control of the entire OASIS itself. With pop culture references galore and an upbeat, heroic sensibility, Spielberg's latest undeniably should work in the hands of a filmmaker renowned for popcorn delights, but with a brain scorching over-reliance on digital effects and a screenplay both absent of emotion and effective engagement, Ready Player One doesn't work as a whole and is merely saved by individual elements which make it passable rather than thoroughly entertaining. 

With an obvious social commentary regarding the nature and impact of modern technology, Spielberg's movie mixes the subversive ideas within Cronenberg's Existenz and Videodrome with a obvious love for the science fiction genre in its' eye-watering levels of on-screen references, levels which makes The Cabin in the Woods look like a passing fling with its' respective horror genre, but too a staggering amount which by the half-way point does become overly tacky and cheap. With an entire segment dedicated to Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, the set-piece is a real bottle spinner in regards to how one might respond, with my own personal obsession with Kubrick's masterpiece resulting in a subverted distaste to seeing our on-screen heroes quickly pop through the Overlook Hotel, music cues and all, and instead making me think how I would rather be watching The Shining instead. With Ready Player One a movie which Spielberg himself has coined as the most difficult movie he's worked on since Saving Private Ryan due to the staggering levels of visual effects, the CGI battle scenes really aren't worth the time, particularly in a final act which boarders on George Lucas style dullness and a complete lack of character engagement when at least eighty percent of the film is spent inside the OASIS itself with digitally designed "avatars". With Ben Mendelsohn once again resigned to Rogue One style typecasting as the film's one-note central antagonist and a ear-scraping level of exposition heavy dialogue, Ready Player One certainly has more negative aspects than positive, and for a director who time and time again has proven that giant gargantuan science fiction spectacle is part and parcel of his day job, Spielberg's latest annoyingly doesn't hit the heavy heights we are all very much used to.

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: Tomb Raider

"You Messed With The Wrong Family..."

With Angelina Jolie and co. all the way back in 2001 showing how not to make a half decent video game adaptation with Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, a movie perhaps best remembered for featuring a pre-martini'd Daniel Craig in his youthful glory and the most annoying supporting character ever in the form of Noah Taylor's I.T addicted Brit, here we are seventeen years later bearing witness to yet another cinematic franchise reboot with Alicia Vikander (Ex Machina) taking over the reigns as the titular wall climbing heroine. Based upon the similarly titled 2013 video game from developers Square Enix, a game of which I can confess to playing from beginning to end and thoroughly enjoying, Tomb Raider, directed by Roar Uthaug (The Wave) follows the more robust and hunter-gatherer motif of the rebooted game series, utilising a much younger and innocent Croft as she develops her skills and understanding of the mystical forces of nature in a Casino Royale styled coming-of-age fashion, and whilst the movie does remain loyal to its' foundations with some interesting ideas and a dedicated leading lady, Uthaug's movie is still slightly under par of something which should have been much more entertaining. 

With Vikander adding a staggering amount of muscle in preparation for the role, her physical demeanour and willingness to at least look the part lands kudos points on her as an individual, and whilst the Swede is an undeniably likeable leading star, her approach to the role of Lara Croft is somewhat undermined by a screenplay which tends to verge on the edge of slumbering dullness, particularly in its' first half when we move from the urban wasteland of contemporary London through to the mysterious island of Yamatai via a stop-off in a thieve-ridden Hong Kong. Where the movie does eventually pick up the pace is in Croft's discovery of the island she so dearly seeks in order to answer questions regarding her father's disappearance, an area which formed the basis of the 2013 video game, and a location which introduces both Walton Goggins (The Hateful Eight) as the underwritten primary antagonist and Dominic West's (The Wire) hermit-esque and poorly wigged father figure whose narrative arc does seem relatively cliched. Concluding with a poorly managed "twist" which comes across as the definition of shark jumping, Tomb Raider is a somewhat mediocre blockbuster adventure and one which suffers primarily from a tendency for action over substance, but with Vikander an enjoyable leading presence with a kick-ass sensibility, the latest video game adaptation just about crosses the line. 

Overall Score: 5/10

Film Review: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

"Welcome to Jumanji!"

Despite the fact that the Robin Williams starring, 1995 adventure romp Jumanji was somewhat dismissed by many critics when first released despite it being a somewhat successful item at the box office, the cult status and underground following of the movie since has subversively led to both a re-examination of its' qualities by many and as per the norm of many cinematic releases in the current climate, a unwarranted sequel. Directed by comedy staple, Jake Kasdan and featuring a script co-written by Chris McKenna, whose previous credits include the likes of The Lego Batman Movie and Spider-Man: Homecoming, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is a functional if rather predictable and laborious adventure romp which utilises the star power of its' cast to shrug off the many, many weaknesses which encompass its' existence, and whilst many will be swept up in the wisecracking humour and electric editing pace, Kasdan's movie is the epitome of a release which can be crammed into the genre of "not exactly my cup of tea". 

With the titular gaming sensation transforming its' form to keep up with the popular trends of the twenty first century, our leading four youthful heroes are sucked into the jungle of Jumanji where complete control of their gaming avatars forces them to play the game and defeat the threat of Bobby Cannavale's power hungry, insect ridden villain. With Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black and Karen Gillan taking over for the majority of the movie therefore, the narrative mixes the absurd nature of our heroes' surroundings with ongoing banter style comedic quips, most of which ironically do make an appearance in the film's trailer, and although the chemistry between the leading quartet is undeniable, the film never really progresses from its' opening gag, resulting in endless penis and body transformation jokes which do end up becoming increasingly grating amidst one of the most self-aggrandizing performances from Johnson ever in his on-screen career. With Cannavale's pedigree as a villain well known after his turn on Boardwalk Empire, his character is ultimately completely wasted in favour of numerous CGI-ridden action, and whilst Kasdan and the crew are obviously having a superb time, the fun only resonates for a short spate of time, and for a film which runs on for two hours, well, you can do the math.

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: Paddington 2

"Paddington Wouldn't Hesitate If Any Of Us Needed Help! He Looks For The Good In All Of Us..."

Amidst talk of political scandals, sexual harassment allegations and the threat of nuclear armageddon, what an absolutely fantastic and necessary time it seems for the release of Paddington 2, Paul King's live-action sequel to the runaway success of the titular Peruvian bear's first real big screen appearance back in 2014, a film which not only put the marmalade loving charmer back into the hearts of millions, but reminded that when done well, the reinvention of a classic, culturally important character can lead to successes for both filmmaker and its' respective audience. With the inevitable sequel upon us therefore, Paddington 2 reunites the bulk of the original movie's cast with the added inclusion of acting heavyweights Hugh Grant and Brendan Gleeson, and whilst sequels rarely surpass the brilliance of their predecessor, King's return is an undeniable heartwarming delight from beginning to end, utilising Paddington's fundamental characteristics of kind-willed ignorance to great comedic effect, alongside a note perfect ensemble cast who seem to be having as much fun as the rest of the audience within a movie which perfectly caters to younglings and adults alike. Anyone for marmalade?

With Paddington well and truly moulded into the lives of the Brown family, his attempts to raise money for an exquisitely designed pop-up book for Aunt Lucy is thwarted when the item is stolen and Paddington blamed, resulting in the Peruvian settler quickly incarcerated alongside the menacing figure Brendan Gleeson's Knuckles McGinty. With a plan on the outside from the Brown family to locate the real culprit, with Hugh Grant's narcissistic Phoenix Buchanan being the top target, Paddington has to use all his charm and unwavering loyalty to escape prison and clear his name. With comedic elements which seem to have been directly influenced from the likes of Monty Python and the movies of Wes Anderson, with the prison sequences almost uncannily referencing The Grand Budapest Hotel, and emotive, beautiful set pieces including an early journey through a pop-up view of London and a concluding reunion which is bound to make even the sternest of audiences reach for the tissues,  King's movie not only continues the brilliance of the original but dramatically improves upon it, with the casting of both Gleeson and Grant a major factor in its' many successes, and in a time when uncertainty and ambiguity is rife within the real world, Paddington 2 is a family-friendly work of escapism which everyone could do with a slice of. 

Overall Score: 8/10

Film Review: Geostorm

"We Were Warned And We Did Not Listen..."

Although hailed as some form of guaranteed audience grabber, Gerard Butler's most recent backlog of film appearances isn't exactly the greatest run from the growling, wide-chinned Scot, with the likes of Gods of Egypt and London Has Fallen being two of the worst cinema releases in recent history, and whilst there is always hope for redemption, the release of the CGI-fuelled Geostorm brings with it a heavy sense of, "here we go again!", particularly after months and months of trailers hyping up a movie which on the face of it, might give Independance Day: Resurgence a run for its' money as worst big-budget science-fiction disaster movie of the past few years. Directed by American debutant Dean Devlin, whose past producing credits ironically include the likes of Resurgence and erm, Eight Legged Freaks, the latest movie to showcase how much destruction can be created from the screen of a computer in the form of Geostorm is unsurprisingly a gag-inducing barrel of garbage, one which takes the cliched notion of leaving your brain at the foyer to a whole new level of unparalleled literalness and too a movie which just makes you question why and how it ever made it past the cutting room floor. 

With Butler showcasing the limited amount of range he has as an actor, portraying a supposed super intelligent science engineer with all the efficiency of a leather based raincoat, Geostorm is the type of movie which doesn't even begin to offer credible reasons for making the audience believe any events which depict on screen are even capable of actually occurring, and whilst end of the world, disaster movies fundamentally require a minimal level of audience open-minded participation, the mind-boggling and headache inducingly bad narrative at the heart of Geostorm leads to a movie which although features scenes of tidal waves, gigantic laser beams and gargantuan explosions, is undeniably boring from beginning to end. With plot turns aplenty all resulting in a synchronised round of sighs from the audience and a tacky, saccharin sweet family narrative thread acting as the film's through line, Geostorm is trash unrefined, and whilst Devlin's CGI-based load of hogwash isn't exactly the worst film of the year, it is undeniably the stupidest. 

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: The Dark Tower

"You Can't Stop What's Coming. Death Always Wins..."

Growing up with Stephen King books going as far back as I can remember, the cinematic accessibility of the American's many novels has resulted in a variety of classic movies over the course of nearly half a decade, and whilst The Shining, The Shawshank Redemption and Stand By Me are arguably the standout examples, even when Kubrick's famous horror barely resembles the source material, The Dark Tower series has seemingly been in production hell since the first whispers of a possible adaptation came to the floor at the turn of the 21st century. With previously attached filmmakers J.J. Abrams and Ron Howard both passing on the project, the task has fallen into the hands of Danish director Nikolaj Arcel, who along with King's own blessings and Howard's descent into a production role, has finally managed to create a live-action adaptation of King's monstrous fantasy epic. Being an avid reader of all things King, The Dark Tower series is indeed a collection of novels which I have enjoyably devoured, and whilst King's own notion of such a series being a cross between The Lord of the Rings and Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy, the novels do have weaknesses, particularly within the concluding three releases, and whilst many have bulked at particular high profile changes which have occurred in the transition from paper to screen, Arcel's adaptation is a release I have been eagerly awaiting since the first trailer was announced and with the fundamental and historical issues some stories have when making the jump to the big screen, the question on everyone's lips is; was it worth the wait?

In a nutshell? Not quite, and whilst Arcel's adaptation of King's novels suffers from a wide range of basic filmmaking issues, The Dark Tower was a movie in which I was never bored, never lost in the rapid overlapping of plots and crucially, never bothered by the gargantuan and radical differences that have occurred between the process from paper to screen, and because of this, the movie was a rare case of a film which seemed to be rather enjoyable even when the weaknesses are so apparent on screen. In my own view, my ability to overlook such downfalls such as awful editing, ear-scraping dialogue and cheesy special effects, is ultimately down to my affinity to the source material and although the convoluted plot will undoubtedly seem incoherent and completely bonkers to an audience coming to the film with no previous knowledge of the characters or the setting, Arcel's movie is so obviously an adaptation made solely for the readers of the series, and for that alone, I applaud the ballsy approach to create such. With obvious production problems at the heart of the finished article, The Dark Tower is a movie which worked more than it failed, and whilst the rafter of negative reviews and poor box office numbers will unfortunately class the film as a failure, Arcel's adaptation will no doubt be the beginning of a series which is destined to be explored much, much more either on the big screen or the small. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

"It's Our Mission That Doesn't Make Sense, Sir..."

With French filmmaker Luc Besson not succeeding in making a decent movie since the 1990's when it comes to directing, the array of fingers which he has managed to stick into a wide range of cinematic pies including The Transporter and Taken series, means that particular film companies still feel the need to finance certain projects which stem from the mind of a man who continues to live off the success of his earlier and much more impressive bodies of work, of which Nikita and Léon still remain the standout features. With his latest release of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets this week, aside from having arguably the most arduous and stupidest film title in recent memory, Besson's return to science fiction brings with it a relative amount of caution, particularly when the finished product could either be the silly, blockbuster fun of The Fifth Element or the idiotic, laziness of a film such as Lucy, and whilst there is no doubting that Valerian is filled to the rafters with a mountain of issues and quandaries, Besson's latest is the type of movie which you begin to hate from the outset but then slowly edge through acceptance, excitement and enjoyment as the film reaches its' long-awaited conclusion. Valerian is stupid, nonsensical and completely bonkers, but boy, I didn't half enjoy it. 

Although the screenplay is primarily based upon the French science fiction comic series, Valérian and Laureline, there is no doubting the visual splendour of the film takes cues from a wide variety of movies from fantasy cinematic history, and whilst it comes across as lazy to simply paint Valerian as a Star Wars rip-off, the sandy plains of the opening act and the introduction of characters that so clearly resemble famous faces from a galaxy far, far away is strikingly undeniable, even when the film effectively manages to be designed in such a superbly crafted fashion it's impossible to not applaud the creative process behind it. With the visuals so flashy and impressively detailed, the cheddar-cheese dialogue and questionable acting does manage to be somewhat overlooked, even when Cara Delevingne manages to act almost everyone off the screen including leading co-star Dane DeHaan whose montone affinity results in him coming across as a next-generation Keanu Reeves cast-off, and with a narrative as bonkers and fundamentally confusing as the one at the centre of it, Valerian is that rare case of a movie being so wrong it's right, and whilst I may be in the minority when the dust eventually settles, Besson's latest isn't a masterpiece by any measure, it's just ridiculous, braindead fun.

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: The Mummy

"Welcome To A New World Of Gods And Monsters..."

Adding a new layer to the ongoing genre of Universal Horror, a cinematic legacy which began all the way back in the 1920's. the newest blockbuster franchise comes in the form of the so-called "Dark Universe", a directed step into another legion of remakes and re-imaginings which begins this week with The Mummy and is set to continue into the future with fresh interpretations of classic monster movies which are reported to include the likes of Van Helsing, Frankenstein's Monster and of course, Dracula. Taking the time away from beating the heck out of people in Jack Reacher and flying super speedy jet planes in the upcoming Top Gun sequel, Tom Cruise leads the way as the flagship star of the franchise's beginnings in the latest incarnation of The Mummy, a well-known and well-versed adventure tale, with arguably the most popular representation being the Stephen Sommers led take in 1999 which featured a clean shaven Brendan Fraser and a pre-Daniel Craig infused Rachel Weisz. With Alex Kurtzman on directorial duty, a filmmaker with a background in the likes of movies such as Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness and Mission: Impossible III, the latest incarnation of The Mummy is unfortunately a generic, overblown snooze-fest, ultimately resulting in a movie which begins the Dark Universe franchise in a rather mediocre manner to say the least.

With a narrative which is more than familiar in terms of the overall set-up of the titular bandaged antagonist, The Mummy suffers too from a wild scope in tonal bipolar, changing from B-Movie horror to cringe-inducing comedy in between an array of soulless set pieces which either consist of endless CGI hollowness or people wildly screaming whilst being shot at with both never actually managing to induce a sense of threat into the proceedings. At the heart of the action, the duo star power of both Tom Cruise and Russel Crowe never really have anything juicy to work with either, and although Crowe's character reveal was quite charming in a in-joke, canon kind of way, Cruise's overly cocky and quite annoying leading character is at its' best a poor depiction of Brendan Fraser. Similarly, although Boutella has all the hallmarks of a beautifully seductive Egyptian princess, her campy leading villain is ultimately a dead rubber alongside a long list of supporting characters who are either there for cannon fodder or for cranking the creaky narrative into place. The Mummy isn't exactly terrible, it just reeks of laziness, and for a movie which is meant to propel a new franchise into some sort of success, Kurtzman's movie doesn't do the job effectively enough to wonder where it ultimately goes next. 

Overall Score: 5/10