Film Review: Slender Man

"For Those Who Hear The Three Bell, Accept His Invitation..."

Based upon the infamous fictional, supernatural figure which began life as an internet meme created by Eric Knudsen back in 2009, Slender Man, directed by French filmmaker, Sylvain White, brings the character to life upon the big screen after time well spent within both the video game format and inspired-by low-budget movies including Always Watching: A Marble Hornets Story in 2015 in which Doug Jones of Pan's Labyrinth fame portrayed a character with familiar lanky body features. With a focus on attempting to mould the titular character into a somewhat cranky and generic storytelling facade with a staggeringly obvious point of reference being strangely aimed at Ringu and the subsequent American remake, The Ring, Slender Man is a complete and utter failure of horror cinema, a movie which seems to not bother at all in adding believable characters and instead uses the film's youthful cast as cardboard cut-outs in order for the action to instead focus more so on baffling imagery and ridiculously over-cooked jump scares which all take place upon a colour palette which was so unbelievably dark that I had to check whether there was enough room in the film's budget for the lighting department. As you may be able to tell, Slender Man is utter pants. 

After a group of young friends decide to summon the mythical man himself, a character designed in the film as a somewhat CGI hybrid of The Silence from Doctor Who and a wooden artist manikin, it comes at no surprise whatsoever that the quartet of buzz-induced younglings begin to experience strange, nightmarish visions of the suit-wearing being of whom they attempted to contact in the first place. Cue meaningless cattle-prod scares, awful dialogue and wacky dream sequences, White's movie tries to blend the youthful sensibility of a film such as It with a much darker, ice-cold tone, but with a complete absence of empathy for the leading cast who conform unsurprisingly to the a-typical horror movie cannon fodder, the audience spends ninety minutes anticipating the arrival of the titular villain but quickly become bored to death due to a complete lack of threat and belief in anything which happens on screen. With a concluding act which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, the film ends leaving an awfully scented taste in the mouth regarding what might have been for the film in the hands of better filmmakers, and even with the use of Funkadelic's brilliant "Maggot Brain" on the soundtrack, Slender Man is the worst type of horror movie possible, a generic, wasteful, and utterly bland sludge-fest with very little redeeming features worthy of anyone's time. 

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Going In Style

"Worst Comes To The Worst, We Get Caught, We Get A Bed, Three Meals A Day, And Better Health Care Than We Got Now..."

From the trailers of Going In Style alone, the narrative for such a film could be concluded as a crime-centred comedy featuring classic and well-respected actors, all of whom have won numerous awards for their respective art, most notable of which is of course the esteemed Academy Award, which focuses upon a narrative of elderly trials and tribulations with the ultimate endgame being a resort to criminal activities. Sound familiar? Oh yeah, particularly with the inclusion of Alan Arkin in a leading role which of course links oh so heavily to the 2012 movie Stand Up Guys that it seems so redundant that a film so obviously similar in terms of narrative could be released only five years later, even worse so when considering Going In Style is a remake in itself of the 1979 movie of the same name. Alongside films such as Last Vegas and the widely panned release of Dirty Grandpa last year, the genre of esteemed acting money grabbing releases is once again rife within your local cinema chain, a chance to rejoice if ever there was one. With the release of Going In Style therefore, a movie written by Hidden Figures director Theodore Melfi and directed by Scrubs star Zach Braff, it comes as no surprise that Braff's movie is one which pulls no punches in terms of originality but as a whole is a surprisingly enjoyable piece of fluff which does no harm whatsoever and actually accomplishes something many contemporary comedy films fail to do; make me laugh!

With a leading trio in the form of Arkin, Caine and Freeman, the notion that Going In Style is the type of movie for each of the three to simply come in and pick up the cheque was indeed at the forefront of my mind throughout the course of the film's meaningful 90 minute runtime, yet unlike it's sibling this week in the form of Table 19, a similarly timed so-called comedy, Braff's movie is Annie Hall in comparison, with Going In Style not attempting to be anything more than a cheesy, throwaway geriatric-based comedy which lavishes in the charm and fundamental reliability of its' leading stars. Whilst the film's concluding act mirages into the sort of narrative that watchers of Hustle would be extremely snobbish at in terms of its' utter, utter silliness, Going In Style is a solid enough comedy to be worthy of entering your local cinema screen just long enough to appreciate how good Ann-Margaret looks for someone aged 75. Not exactly going in style come the end, Braff's movie is passable cheese and sometimes passable cheese is just good enough. 

Overall Score: 6/10