Film Review: Crawl

"Grab Your Families, Your Loved Ones, And Get Out. We Won’t Be Able To Come For You..."

With a related trailer which highlights Sam Raimi as a "producer" on Evil Dead and Alexandre Aja as "director" of The Hills Have Eyes, it's fair to say that whilst such claims from the spin merchants of Crawl are indeed factually accurate, it also reinstates how fundamentally messed up the genre of horror has become thanks to the way in which every classic horror movie has been chopped up and churned out thanks to the wonderful notion of remakes and spin-offs in recent years. With Raimi of course being the mastermind and director of the original, and better, The Evil Dead in 1981, and producer on the 2013 Fede Álvarez directed remake, a film of which I can admit to actually enjoying, to say that Aja is best known for his work on the rehash of The Hills Have Eyes in 2006 is generally rather aggravating, when the mighty Wes Craven, director of the 1977 grindhouse original classic, seems to be the subject of a Stalinesque mind-wipe towards younger audiences who may not even be aware of Craven or his impact on the genre of horror. Moan aside, Aja and Raimi this week team up for a rather familiar B-movie creature-feature in the form of Crawl, an overly generic work of nonsense which in some ways is quite enjoyable due to the sheer fact that it's the type of movie which seems to be released at least thirty years too late. 

With a very basic, genre-literate set-up, Crawl sees Kaya Scodelario (Extremely Wicked...) as Haley, a swimming obsessed student athlete who stupidly returns to her hometown in the heart of Florida in order to check on the welfare of her father after a Category five hurricane begins to make its' way towards the mainland. Upon arriving at her deserted childhood home, Haley finds father Dave, as played by Barry Pepper (Saving Private Ryan), unconscious within the crawl space of their home for no immediate apparent reason until soon discovering the amidst decaying childhood homes, a ridiculously overblown natural threat and unnecessary daddy issues, ravenous alligators have decided to take over the house and are happy to eat anything that gets in their way. With Aja beginning his career with the enjoyably nonsensical, Switchblade Romance, and making his way into Hollywood with unnecessary remakes, Crawl does seem like an attempt to appease as mass an audience as possible, and whilst the exploitation violence within the movie is highly enjoyable in places, the screenplay isn't exactly one to be desired as it attempts to blend into the carnage meaningless narrative tangents such as reserved family issues without any real point to it whatsoever. When it comes to a film such as Crawl, the violence and the silliness should always be the primary focus and be capped off within a harmless eighty minutes, but with Aja's latest so predictable and lifeless, the lack of threat and lack of bite, pun intended, means Crawl is a glorified bargain bucket B-movie which just happens to be allowed on the big screen for no real apparent reason whatsoever. 

Overall Score: 5/10

Film Review: Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

"There Are Things You Don’t Know That Will Shock You Beyond Your Worst Nightmares..."

When it comes to searching Hollywood for A-List stars who adequately fit the bill for portraying an infamous mass murderer, the annoyingly charming Zac Efron (Baywatch) isn't exactly the first person that comes to mind. Following in the footsteps of Charlize Theron who famously won the Academy Award for her transformative performance in Patty Jenkins' 2003 crime drama, Monsters, Efron puts aside the nice-guy image for a cinematic re-imagining of the life of Ted Bundy, the cold hearted serial killer, kidnapper, necrophile and self-proclaimed sociopath who ran riot throughout America during the mid 1970's. Based on The Phantom Prince: My Life with Ted Bundy by Bundy's former girlfriend, Elizabeth Kendall, and directed by American filmmaker Joe Berlinger, Extremely Wicked sees Berlinger return to the topic of Ted Bundy after his work earlier in the year with the Netflix distributed, Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, and whilst dramatic works always seem to entice a larger audience rather than their documentary counterparts, there is no doubting that the inclusion of Efron opens the door for many more people to have a basic understanding of the single-handed crime spree that was Mr. Bundy. 

Whilst Berlinger undoubtedly finds the figure of Bundy remarkably interesting as a contemporary case of just how bad human nature can turn inside just one person, Extremely Wicked annoyingly fails to bring such dedication and obsessive levels of detail to the big screen, with the screenplay at the centre of the drama failing to delve anywhere near past the initial surface of Efron's character as we skip through the beginning of his relationship with Kendall, as played by the marvelous Lily Collins (Tolkien), and the various court proceedings which take place as he finally comes face to face with the justice he truly deserves. Whilst the central relationship between Kendall and Bundy is only minimally developed, it is the performances which really set in stone the crazed bond between the two, with Collins once again outshining her male counterpart after doing so previously in Tolkien, as we observe the faithfulness and guilt-filled resentment of her character as she watches her beloved be accused of crimes beyond the realm of human plausibility. With an electric pacing which zaps the drama rather sharpish towards the finish line, such luxuries ultimately take away any chance of meaningful depth, particularly when it comes to a deeper understanding of Bundy's actions and the many cases brought to court, and for someone with only a brief awareness of the name, the character and the killings, Extremely Wicked is suitably fine for a cliff notes version of one of America's most infamous twentieth century characters, but for real substance and clarity, the documentary will undoubtedly be much better served. Your choice. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Maze Runner: The Death Cure

"We Started This Together. We May As Well End It That Way Too..."

Whilst probably not the best person in some way to comment on a concluding act to a trilogy of which I have been completely absent from up to now, the latest entry into the Maze Runner series, directed by franchise stalwart, Wes Ball, brings to end arguably the most uninteresting young adult dystopian book adaptation to date, one which seemed in all honesty to exist primarily in order to latch onto the success of the far superior Hunger Games, and whilst I always revel in the chance to be proved wrong, The Death Cure is unfortunately, if not entirely surprisingly, a complete and utter elongated drag, one which fails to ignite any sense of interest or involvement throughout its' unbelievably running time and a film which although is primarily designed for the younger side of audiences, seems entirely misjudged and altogether unrewarding. Beginning in a Skyfall-esque fashion with a somewhat well executed train heist, The Death Cure follows Dylan O'Brien's (American Assassin) indestructible Thomas and his merry band of wavy hair followers through a Mad Max inspired landscape in order to save Ki Hong Lee's Minho, who has been captured by the ridiculously named organisation, WCKD, in order to utilise his immunity to a virus unlike 28 Days Later's rage virus and potentially save the remaining human race. Sound convoluted? That's just the start.

Whilst I am all for spectacle-infused action carnage which sides with brass over an influx of brains, Ball's movie is fundamentally one which reeks of glaring similarity, and whilst the film seems to be at least made with a somewhat dedicated respect to the source material, the movie ultimately suffers due to a wavering and uncertain narrative and an inclusion of characters which not only come across as the epitome of one dimensional, but too are characters so underdeveloped and dull that any of them could have been simply plucked from the set of either Hunger Games or Divergent without any of the other cast entirely noticing or caring. With Dylan O'Brien in the leading role as the one-note resistance cornerstone, Thomas, his performance similarly seems to have been simply transferred from the set of last year's American Assassin, with the actor once again proving that with even the strongest will in the world, the American is still one of the most boring leading performers working today, and with the film personifying the term, deus ex machina, thanks to a constant stream of deadly set pieces which are suddenly revoked thanks to laughably bad saviours who seem to pop out of the cinematic ether for no apparent reason, The Death Cure is a shark-jumping bore of the highest order. 

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge

"Find Jack Sparrow For Me And Relay A Message From Captain Salazar. Tell Him: Death Will Come Straight For Him..."

Praise be and grab your rum of choice, it is indeed that time once again. After believing that the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise had sailed its' last sail with On Stranger Tides, a third sequel to Curse of the Black Pearl, Disney's flagship theme park based series swiftly returns this week with Salazar's Revenge or perhaps, Dead Men Tell No Tales, depending on where exactly you will be spending your hard earned cash in order to witness the newest CGI orgy of famous actors dressing up like second year university students hitting the town and pretending to act serious when shouting "arghhh" and battling invisible, digitally created cannon fodder, all of whom are eager for disposal by death. Holding my frightfully cynical tone for a moment, the release of Salazar's Revenge might controversially be the film which reinvents my opinion of the gargantuan series, and even with expectations as low as the depths of the pacific ocean, the addition of Norwegian directorial pair Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg alongside the ever reliable presence of Javier Bardem is a cause for cautious optimism, particular with the latter's ability to carry off a damn fine villain when necessary. Inevitably, Salazar's Revenge instead is yet just another CGI-fuelled bore-fest, one which trades set pieces for narrative and acting ability for budget costs within a skin peeling two hours which confirms the series has indeed sunk to the depths of mediocrity without any sign of resuscitation aboard.

Whilst the film centrally is based around the retrieval of a mysterious object which breaks every and any curse laced upon the many characters within the Pirates universe, Salazar's Revenge also has to try and squeeze in the titular character's quest for violent justice, with Javier Bardem's CGI-masked villain setting his sights on the figure of Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow, a Captain Jack Sparrow who has seemingly worsened in every subsequent movie, resulting in a performance which has increasingly become a caricature of itself in an almost cringe-like fashion. With a script which is laced with cheesy and ear-grating dialogue, Depp has finally managed to confirm that his time in the spotlight as the world's worst pirate must finally come to some sort of a dignified end, and whilst the inclusion of Orlando Bloom and a completely silent Keira Knightley could leave some fans jumping for joy, the return of their respective characters adds absolutely nothing to the overall enjoyment of the movie. Alongside some terrible sound editing and a complete lack of threat, Salazar's Revenge is unsurprisingly a meaningless, dull affair, one which continues the woeful track record of blockbusters this year and a film which rivals David Beckham for worst cameo of the year so far. I mean, Paul McCartney, what are you thinking? 

Overall Score: 3/10