Hercules (2014) - Can you smell what Hercules is cooking? - Review - SPOILERS

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is back, semi-naked and as big as ever. We all know Johnson isn't an actor that can play a role in the calibre of Dicaprio's Wolf of Wall Street or 12 Years a Slave's Chiwetel Ejiofor. Raised in the WWE(F), he was always going to be a showman, a man of the people if you will. Action was his forte and that is where he belongs. Tag him in for Expendables 4 and we're in for a treat. If Stallone would like to get him, that would be wonderful.

Moving on. Hercules isn't really the Hercules many of us have seen in the past. Obviously we have followed him take on the giant evils of the world from the Hydra to the Nemean Lion but now we have glossed over them. To avoid the typical remake, they showed Hercules after these events. A mere mercenary driven away from Athens due to the death of his family which was detailed as a murder by him. Obviously, this is not true. If you couldn't have guessed that from the off-set, you really need to start watching some decent TV. As a mercenary, Hercules and his entourage are called upon by the King of Thrace to defend the land from the a dark tyranny in the civil war but all doesn't really go to plan. Plot wise, the story is nothing extreme. Yeah, there's a few twists and turns but its nothing we haven't already seen.

Previously I spoke about The Rock's acting. Obviously it wasn't wondrous. Although I'm aware he passed out several times while filming the scene with the chains which he requested to be iron to make it feel real, it seems like an attempt to appear as a better actor than he really easy and wasn't a very extreme moment to watch. Often enough, I didn't feel that Johnson really had the vocal depth to really do Hercules justice, especially on a battlefield. To be completely frank, the general acting was actually pretty poor. Ian McShane was alright and fairly funny at points but in the reality of things, he couldn't carry as cast that look as if they are just there for some fun. With American Horror Stories Joseph Fiennes I expect a lot more from someone which such credible material behind them but with a character that walks like a moron whose arms have locked into the stupidest position imaginable and has a back-story of the characters from 50 Shades of Grey, I can't pin all the blame on him.

Because I may be worth it

The real reason Hercules is going to make money is because its an action movie. Although I have to give fair warning that in the 90 minute film, the last 30 minutes were where the action became truly enjoyable. With the attack on a settlement of bewitched corpses, I can't understand how repetitive and simple it all is. Considering Hercules tropes around with a damn club and completely ignores the enormous blade he has hanging around his cart, you would think that this club is something magical but its neigh on useless against a bloody horde. One instance, which somehow made it through into the cinema was one of the corpses running at the King. It appears that someone decided to max out the contrast button and then add a splash of faeces and PVA him onto the silver screen onto to be splatted away seconds later. At points the visuals were decent but the incredibly bad instance is something that haunts producers and directors and none of them actually picked up on it.

A half decent story, a cast of actors who don't really act, alright action and visual incidents resembling that of the inside of a lab monkey's cage all seem like really bad ideas to see this movie. Although Hercules stands as a movie that is so bad, it's good. The last 30 minutes were actually decent in general and Ian McShane's inevitable death was somewhat ruined in the trailer but if you really fancy something where you can watch Dwayne Johnson shout a lot, this is the movie for you. I may be being a little extreme on the whole thing but the movie seems like a 6/10 for me.

Fast and Furious 6 - Review - SPOILERS-

Hello all and welcome back to Black Ribbon Reviews! I am back on a regular basis with news, reviews and anything else I can do!

Vin Diesel and Paul walker return to put peddle to the metal and kick some ass with the aid of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Packed with action, violence and extreme situations, this movie really packs a punch and keeps the story flowing effectively. As we are all aware, the Fast and Furious franchise is a huge money maker with many dedicated fans (One being me). If you are not aware, this movie is still before Tokyo Drift and is the last one to prequel it story wise.

Talking of the story, its not extensive. O'Connor and Toretto are called upon by Hobbs to help chase down the tyrant; Owen Shaw. All because Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) miraculously appears after her apparent death. It's a very simple and linear story with a few twists within to vary it from the rest but it doesn't stop it from being very weak. Yet who really wants a deep and gritty, action drama flick with cars and the 'classy' broads? Exactly. The Fast franchise has their demographic precision engineered, which made it the $3 billion franchise it is today.

Jumping in head first, we are dropped into a race between an Import and some V8 Muscle through the winding landscape at high speed. Yet is it high speed? We follow them and notice the extreme use of the producers fast forward button which ruined the effects of speed and where way to blazay for something which prides itself on driving. The effects role throughout and really pull the movie down.Plymouth Road Runner Superbird into the crash barrier and flinging Don into the air to catch Letty and conveniently land on a beat up Merc was just way to much. Scenes like this smelt so bad of cheese, I could almost hear Wallace in the background screaming "Cheese Gromit!". The cheese ball visuals isn't the end of it. A few lines are placed in which grind on me (I also don't appreciate the destruction of a mint condition Mustang fastback. Let's have a moment to remember what it never got to achieve in this film).
Many other scenes were also edited similarly which gave a huge chunk of chase scenes a clunky and unprofessional feel. I'm no pro driver, but I'm well aware of what you can do and get away with. Crashing your $300,000

Can you smell what the rock is cooking? I can, it's a knuckle sandwich with a side order of STFU

Speaking of lines, the actors are generally good. They play simple roles with little character depth until the end which we see Han (Sung Kang) after the loss of his women, Gisele. It got very little screen time but Han's rage was generally believable and gives us a little context of his suicidal drifting in Tokyo. In contrast, we have Letty, I genuinely think Rodriguez is a bit of a blunt tool when up against the rest and plays the same role across all movies and by now you would expect her to be the best at it, right? The movie has many fight scenes which are creative and fluid in execution, with brutal executions and general badassery. The variation in styles and a scene that juxtaposes Han and Roman to Riley was quite amusing and bits like this certainly made the whole cinema audience giggle or laugh out loud.

(MAJOR SPOILER) Soon after the credits star rolling, we meet Jason Statham in the credit timelapse to Han's explosive death after a drift went wrong. Jason play Ian Shaw. Owen Shaw's brother who I can only presume is seeking revenge for the death of his brother and is making a statement by killing Dom's closest friend. This confirms our next villain and that Jason Statham is appearing!

On the topic of villains, what is it with us Brits being the bad guys? The worst part about it, it even picks on a few of our social minorities. A black and polish immigrants and black youth are the key here. These groups already get crap from the racist public but don't ride on that and give the uneducated fools something to stand on. It may just be me looking to deep into it but it never is good

to portray it to the mindless folk. However, our consolation prize is that we get it before the US...Again and that it was filmed in London!

Overall, the movie is predominately for a certain group of people. Men. It's a movie that lacks emotional connection and is simply there for good fun and is great for a Friday night out or after a particularly boring policy exam you had an hour before the movie...

With lack of anything to critically analyse, the fun side of the movie is what I shall be giving a score for. The Fun Factor is 7/10, its outrageous use of cars and the creative minds of the writers (who I can only presume to have been high) really add that little bit of fun and the credit cameo by Jason was truly kick ass.