Film Review: Independence Day: Resurgence

"That's Definitely Bigger Than The Last One..."

Here we are slap bang right in the middle of the great British summer where rain fades our dream of a the rare sweltering heat wave and anticipated blockbusters sink faster than the titanic after receiving hit after hit of critical slam-dunking by journalists and bloggers alike. Already in the month of June we have the nomination for worst film of the decade in the from of Gods of Egypt and Independence Day:Resurgence swiftly follows suit in the latter's bewildering terribleness with wooden acting, ridiculously hollow CGI and a screenplay so boring I actually managed to fall asleep for twenty minutes during the showing, Roland Emmerich's long-awaited sequel to the 1996 popcorn-infused thrill ride is an overblown turkey of the highest order, a turkey that not only looks like it has been commissioned for the sole purpose of a quick buck but one that completely tarnishes the memory of the original. It's not Gods of Egypt bad, but it's close.

So what's new Roland? Big alien spaceship once again decides to destroy the planet whilst Jeff Goldblum's creaky scientist tries to appear to know what he's doing amongst a mad ex-president and a surprisingly awful Charlotte Gainsbourg and a Will Smith lookalike who bears no resemblance in both charm and character to the Fresh Prince whatsoever. Add into the mix overblown CGI and stone-cold humour which received not one laugh during my particular screening and Independence Day: Resurgence is quite simply a complete waste of time, talent and millions of dollars. Somewhere in hell there is indeed a multiplex showing a double header of both this and Gods of Egypt and to have both films being released within the space of just a week, it makes me fear for what's to come for the rest of the year. Roland, your film stinks. And I hope you know it.

Overall Score: 2/10

TV Review: Game of Thrones - Season Six Episode Ten "The Winds of Winter" SPOILERS

"Winter Is Here..."

What. An. Episode. If last week propelled Game of Thrones into a cataclysmic state of amazingness with "The Battle of the Bastards", then this week's finale proved to be not only a continuation of the top-notch quality we have got to know and love but also a finale which put year-long plot points to rest amongst vengeance, lots of vengeance in which a wide range of key characters in the Seven Kingdoms got their comeuppance, no more so than Walder Frey, the architect of the Red Wedding, who after enjoying a nice slice of child-infested pie greeted the sharp edge of Arya Stark's knife who finally managed to put a huge, bold cross through one of the names on her hit list. Talk about satisfaction, yet the real shock of the week came within the episodes' brilliant first fifteen minutes in which Cersei went the way of the Mad King and coldly dispatched all her enemies in one swift wildfire-ridden act of cruelness. Goodbye High Sparrow. Goodbye Queen Marge. It's been emotional. Seeing now that the prophecy has become reality, with each of her children now in the grave, the newly crowned Queen of the Seven Kingdoms is one cold bitch with a thirst for blood. With Jamie returning from his ordeal with the Blackfish just in time to witness his sisters' coronation and thus losing yet another of his children, where will his allegiances lie now? With Cersei or elsewhere? How long until season seven?

Judging the season as a whole, season six no doubt began with a slump, a slump that although gave us an elderly Melisandre and the much anticipated return of Jon Snow, did not exactly reach the heights you would expect from a show of such magnitude when dealing with such an important story point such as the resurrection of Westeros' favourite bastard. Yes, everyone expected Jon Snow to return but was the climax to the second episode as amazing as it possibly could have been? Perhaps not. Come episode five and we finally had the episode we had all been waited for in which we witnessed the death no-one had been waiting for. Oh Hodor, you gentle giant you. It's been a fun ride and an emotional one too, a ride which ended with the real reason behind Hodor's well, hodoring. Screw you Bran, screw you! With episode five being the cornerstone of the season riding into episode nine, a lot was riding on the much anticipated "Battle of the Bastards" and boy was it emotional. Still riding high with a perfect rating of 10 on IMDB, the penultimate episode was a masterclass in small-screen entertainment, one that will be remembered for seasons to come and one that allowed our favourite northerners to return to Winterfell. Season Six continued Game of Thrones' excellence and popularity within the masses, and although not reaching the heights of quality seen in Season 3 and 4, was still a solid continuation of HBO's flagship television show. Don't worry guys, just another year until we return. 

Episode Score: 10/10

Season Score: 8.8

TV Review: Game of Thrones - Season Six Episode Nine "The Battle of the Bastards" SPOILERS

"Let's End This The Old Way. You Against Me..."

Remember last week when I queried why on earth the death of the Blackfish was captured off-screen, away from the viewer and whether such a decision was all down to the notion of a tight budget? Well, my query has been answered with this week's venture into the land of Westeros with "The Battle of the Bastards" being a visceral, blockbuster of an episode in which satisfaction was the overriding feeling come the end after an hour of utter nail-biting tension and spectacle which ranks as the best Game of Thrones has had to offer this far. If notions of a depleted budget were high in my mind last week, the same cannot be said for the titular battle between the armies of Jon Snow and Ramsey Bolton, the bastards of the North, each with their own agendas and each with thriving hatred towards one another which culminated in the most extreme sense of justice the show has given us so far with Ramsey finally meeting his demise come the end of an episode in which we not only lost yet another Stark, (Goodbye Rickon) but an episode in which for the second time in the space of a year, we may have lost Jon Snow. Oh HBO, you do spoil us.

To speak only about the 30 minute thrill ride that encompassed the main bulk of the episode however completely dismisses goings-on in Meereen where finally Daenerys took back the power from the murderous masters and allowed all three of her dragons to rain down fiery chaos upon the seas of her enemies whilst the Dothraki hoard chopped down the remaining numbers of the Sons of the Harpy. Add into the mix the opportunity of two strong female characters holding the reigns of Westeros, with Yara and Theon finally being granted an opportunity to proclaim their allegiance to Daenerys, and "The Battle of the Bastards" may indeed be not only the most thrilling and action packed Game of Thrones episode to date, but the most optimistic and rewarding one also. Gone is the reign of Ramsey and here stands Lord Snow, the bastard of Winterfell who is now back where he belongs alongside his sister and the power of not only his own army but Littlefinger's too alongside him. Pure cinematic brilliance upon the small screen, this weeks' episode was one to remember and one that will send shock-waves across the seas of the Seven Kingdoms. Just one more left. ONE MORE.

Overall Score: 10/10

Film Review: The Boss

"Let's Watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre..."

Yes, we probably should have watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the original, not the remake, and a film which reminds me how thrilling and dramatic high quality cinema can become, something of which The Boss, directed by Ben Falcone and starring Melissa McCarthy, is most certainly not. However, in a week in which the human race has been subjugated to the horror show of Gods of Egypt, The Boss most certainly is a slight step up, however not the laugh-filled spectacular many would have thought when seeing McCarthy on the cast list, a comedic actress in which I can wholeheartedly state I am not the biggest fan of, with her latest cinematic venture being a reminder of what happens when comedy goes wrong, with The Boss being strapped full of face-palming plot points, dead-end jokes and one-liners that verge on the edge of profanity. At least one thing can be said for Gods of Egypt, it's funnier than The Boss, regardless of how unintentional that may be.

  

Focusing on the exploits of the greed-inflicted Michelle Darnell, who after being incarcerated and losing her entire income and empire sets to rebuild her wealth by exploiting the work of minors by selling brownies, The Boss expects you to empathise with a woman who not only becomes a white-collar criminal within the first five minutes of the movie, but a woman who believes using children as pawns in her tactic to regain her strength in the economic world is indeed the most important thing to do now she is free in the outside world. Feel empathetic yet? No, me neither, and this alone is a fundamental flaw in the films' genetic make-up. Add into the mix jokes that full flat on their face and a script so wayward it seems to have be written as a blind bet, The Boss is a comedic mess from beginning to end, a comedic mess which features the second awful Game of Thrones cameo in the space of a week with Peter Dinklage now having a pop at degrading his reputation. Oh well, at least Game of Thrones is on tomorrow. 

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Gods of Egypt

"COME, DEMON..."

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Have we possibly found the worst film of 2016? Even more so, the worst film of the decade? Gods of Egypt, the latest creation from the mind of Alex Proyas, director of cult classics such as The Crow and Dark City, is indeed a shocker of a movie, a film so inherently terrible, it makes last years' Jupiter Ascending look like The Godfather, and begs the question how on earth such a flop ever managed to get past the cutting room. With a 140 million dollar treasure chest at his disposal, Alex Proyas has succeeded in presenting the biggest waste of a budget since Newcastle United in the January transfer window and in a time where big budget movies are the norm in gaining financial gain, Gods of Egypt may hopefully emphasise the notion that bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. Want to know how bad Gods of Egypt is? Gerard Butler is the best thing in it. That's right. Gerard frickin' Butler. 

In regards to the plot, of which is somewhat ludicrous and inherently stupid, after murdering his brother and taking the reign of power across Egypt, Gerard Butler's Set banishes nephew Horus, played in an awfully camp fashion by Game of Thrones' Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, whom is regarded as the rightful heir to the throne of power but is left blind and abandoned in the wastelands, unable to seek revenge and claim back his rightful title as king. After the intervention of a mortal however, Horus is given the opportunity he seeks and sets about reclaiming the throne of Egypt and to return his lands to peace, finally ending the reign of his power-hungry uncle. Think Exodus: Gods and Kings meets Barney the Dinosaur and that would be a telling review of Gods of Egypt, a film so flimsy, so ear-cripplingly awful when it comes to dialogue, and a film so woodenly acted it could be mistaken for a foreign ad on TV where its' main star in the form of Coster-Waldau is so out of his depth it begs belief why on earth he doesn't just stick to Game of Thrones, a series in which he is very good in yet when placed upon the big screen, gets acted out of the park by the one-man shouting army that is Gerard Butler. It just makes me cringe thinking about it. 

If Coster-Waldau could be forgiven in any sense, then Chadwick Boseman most certainly cannot, with his performance so unintentionally both terrible and laughable at the same time, it would be hard not to see him be invited to the Razzies come awards season. It is perhaps the single worst performance I have ever seen in a movie, a performance so cringey, it gave me the shakes every time he spoke, particularly in one scene where there is not one, but thousands of Chadwick Boseman's, all of whom are utterly, utterly terrible. Aside from the masterclass of shoddy acting, the effects are borderline offensive, something you could expect on a Nintendo 64 cartridge, the jokes fall flat on every occasion, and worst of all, everyone in my screening knew how bad it was. Looking around during the film's unholy two-hour run-time, I began to take bets on who would leave first with myself being 11/10 on to leave before the credits rolled. Gods of Egypt isn't just bad, it's a monstrosity of blockbuster proportions and easily the worst film of the year so far. By. A. Mile. 

Overall Score: 1/10 

Film Review: The Conjuring 2

"This Is My Home. Get Out Now..."

When it comes to originality and genre-bending ideas within the realm of horror cinema, perhaps such a genre is the hardest in which to grasp a concept of freshness with cliches and tropes alike being ever present within recent examples of what makes a 21st century horror movie. With The Conjuring, the unbelievably successful 2013 horror directed by Saw creator James Wan, the genre of horror was never more boosted into the spotlight, where although the film suffers from a sense of rehashing ideas from other, better and more influential movies from the past, there was indeed a sense of enjoyment that the horror genre has not completely vanished into nonexistence. As per the norm in the land of Hollywood, the success of the original has now sprouted a sequel, once again led by director James Wan whilst switching from the rural environment of Rhode Island to the working class locale of Ponders End, Enfield. Much like its' predecessor, The Conjuring 2 is a cliche ridden blockbuster, the horror equivalent of the Marvel franchise where the same blueprint is laid down to satisfy the masses but ultimately something of non-importance and irrelevance but also something that is inherently good fun with some major jump scares thrown in for good measure. 

After being criticised for their involvement in the Amityville murders, Ed and Lorraine Warren are left to wonder whether their occupation as demonologists are becoming subject to irrelevance in a time where science has overtaken the beliefs of the supernatural and the unknown. Reluctant to carry on their duties, Lorraine becomes transfixed with the notion that if they continue, Ed may indeed die at the hands of the insidious entity that has been stalking her within her visions. Against all warnings however, the Warrens are asked by the church to travel to London to investigate supposed paranormal activity in the home of the Hodgson's, one of the most notorious real-life cases in the history of paranormal research, yet they soon realise their involvement within the case may be part of a larger picture, one that threatens the lives of both Ed and Lorraine. Creaky doors and windows? Check. Huge spine-tingling jump scares? Check. Creepy children and spooky entities? Oh yeah. Of course The Conjuring 2 is not exactly the most original horror movie, with nods to The Exorcist, The Evil Dead and a severe likeliness to films such as Insidious and Sinister from recent years, but what it is is entertaining, entertainment that although is way too long, with a ridiculous two hour plus run-time, is guaranteed for success. There's one thing you can rely on from the general public; they love their creepy movies. Good on them.

Overall Score: 7/10

TV Review: Game of Thrones - Season Six Episode Eight "No One" SPOILERS

"I Choose Violence..."

Who'd thunk it? After nearly two seasons of Arya's story-line going up. down, back around and coming full circle again right into the path of ambiguity, the House of Black and White is no longer a place of lodging for little Arya Stark, the baby-faced assassin who, after everything, decided it was best to continue her legacy as a Stark rather than a Faceless Man, a decision that ultimately brought to an end not only the life of the Waife, but to all those brilliantly barmy fan theories which suggested a bit more was behind the actions of one of the last remaining Stark's in Westeros. What now for Arya? A return to either the North or King's Landing is not exactly out of the question but her own wish to visit lands yet explored seems a more pressing concern for our beloved Arya, yet the real question remains, after all the dedication to the Faceless Men previously, was it the right decision to end it so quickly? From a writing point of view, probably not, with Arya's story in particular needing a particular level of dedication in hope of a epic payoff. Was this the right way to go therefore? Was the time spent in Braavos really worth it for such a conclusion? I'm not too sure.

Away from Stark's and creepy assassins, King's Landing held ground for some meaty head yanking action, with the High Sparrow's minions getting a pretty clear taste of what happens when you mess with Cersei Lannister and her deranged Frankenstein of a bodyguard. A.K.A,the zombified Mountain. On the other side of Westeros, the Hound provided light black comedy in his quest for vengeance, with quips about being awful at dying being followed by acts of sheer brutality. I mean come one, that head being chopped off was pure B-Movie brilliance. Weak point of this week's episode came when the beloved Blackfish was seemingly killed off off-screen without the chance to witness his famous ability of swordsmanship. I mean come on HBO, there can't be a budget issue! In fact, yes there might have been, with Meereen holding siege against the bloodthirsty masters just in time for Dany to return and witness what happens when she flies off gets captured. "No One" proved to be somewhat the weakest of Season Six so far, providing a questionable end to Arya's story-line and killing off a certain character without to no satisfactory end. But hey, who cares when we have the aptly titled "The Battle of the Bastards" next week. 

Overall Score: 7/10

Film Review: The Nice Guys

"You're The World's Worst Detective..."

Before venturing into the world of Marvel with Iron Man 3, Shane Black was perhaps best known for writing and directing Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, the neo-noir black comedy starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Val Kilmer, a film in which inevitably draws parallels to Black's latest, The Nice Guys, a film of unquestionable similarity in both tone and set-up, albeit starring the one-two of Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling and set slap bang in the late 1970's instead. After the sudden death of adult film star Misty Mountains, private detective Holland March (Gosling) is hired by the deceased's aunt to discover whether or not she is actually alive after seeing her days after her supposed death. Coincidentally, March is quickly intimidated by enforcer Jackson Healy (Crowe) who has been hired to prevent his search for Amelia, a suspect in the murder of Misty Mountains, and is told to leave her alone and end his quest for answers. After a quick-fire turn of events however, Healy convinces March to join forces in order to discover the seedy doings of the Los Angeles porn industry and discover the reasons behind the growing number of deaths that seem to be happening around them. 

Part Chinatown, part Lethal Weapon, The Nice Guys gives everything you expect from a picture helmed by the dark comedic mind of Shane Black, with laughs galore throughout the film's more than satisfactory runtime and a pitch black violent streak so reluctantly hilarious, you'll walk out the cinema wondering whether you should have laughed or not. The answer? Of course you should, with the one-two success pairing of Crowe and Gosling being the best on-screen duo in recent memory if being, at times, bettered by the remarkable talents of young Angourie Rice as Holland's daughter, Holly, who is presented as the real brains of the family and the one with the real talent when it comes to investigative pastimes. A long way away from the likes of his time with Marvel, Shane Black's The Nice Guys is a riveting success, one that will leave you with a embarrassingly wide grin for days, the hallmark of an effective comedy if ever there was one. 

Overall Score: 8/10

TV Review: Game of Thrones - Season Six Episode Seven "The Broken Man" SPOILERS

"You've Lost, Cersei. It's The Only Joy I Can Find In All This Misery..."

Oh, hello Mr. McShane. And goodbye. Carrying on the surprise list of guests appearing within the realms of Westeros this week was Lovejoy himself, acting as a rather efficient and likeable conduit for the welcome return of Sandor Clegane AKA The Hound, and although one up on screen-time in comparison to Richard E. Grant, Ian McShane was swiftly hung out to dry, resulting in the return of the unparalleled quest for violence our beloved Hound infamously thrives on. Speaking of violence, poor old Arya once again. Whipped, smacked around the face, and now stabbed. What more does the young girl deserve? Not everything is what it seems within the House of Black and White and Arya's future is still yet to be determined, with next week's aptly titled episode "No One" perhaps finally setting in stone the course in which our beloved Stark is yet to embark on. Maybe a reunion with the Hound? We shall see. 

Sassy Northerner of the week belongs to Lady Mormont of Bear Island, with her no-nonsense attitude on the situations at hand gave credence to a notion that if she was Queen, Game of Thrones would have been sorted out by now and whilst she only allowed 82 of her soldiers to join Jon Snow in his quest to take back Winterfell, it was a fleeting success in comparison to other houses who completely disregarded any chance of support for taking down Westeros' number one psycho in Ramsey Bolton. As for events elsewhere, the Blackfish and Jamie Lannister had the stand-off of the season, with it hard to point out who out of the two viewers are really rooting for. Sure, the Blackfish is bad-ass and was screwed over by the Lannister's but you just can't beat the banter of the bromance between Jamie and Bronn. Remember when we all hated Jamie? Seems so long ago now. Another strong, solid episode this week, but not one of major significance, "The Broken Man" continued the success of Season Six by the introduction of new characters whilst reconnecting with those thought lost. Three episodes left people. THREE...

Overall Score: 8/10

Film Review: Warcraft: The Beginning

"Is War The Only Answer?"

When it comes to past live-action video game adaptations that have made it on to the big screen within the past, let's say the record has not been the best so far. I mean look at Hitman: Agent 47 last year, what a load of rubbish that was and whilst others have trembled in the wake of mediocrity or downright awfulness, 2016 was tapped as the year for the reinvention of the genre with not only Assassins Creed hitting the big screen but Warcraft too, helmed by self-proclaimed fan Duncan Jones, director of sci-fi greats such as Moon and Source Code. Although I can admit to never playing a single second of Warcraft in the past, Jones' behemoth of a summer blockbuster was a surprising popcorn romp, one that indeed has a wide range of flaws and weaknesses, but one that was never challenging or seemed to be verging on the edge of boredom throughout its' questionable two-hour plus runtime. CGI galore and Flash Gordon esque costume design. What more does one want?

Amidst unpronounceable locations and names, Warcraft essentially focuses on the battle between Orcs and humans, coincided with some pretty funky CGI magic and featuring warlocks, wizards and flying eagle bird things within the realm of what is essentially a rip-off of Middle Earth. The Lord of the Rings comparisons do not stop there however, with similar themes and even similar characters resulting in a fundamental likeness on the surface but Warcraft falters on the scale of the latter's depth where even though there were some characters worth caring about, others simply acted either as canon fodder for giant hammers or as a tent-pole for extraordinarily polished suits of armour. Warcraft is set to be the starter pistol for another heavy-hitter of a blockbuster series and although it is indeed not perfect, far off in fact, Warcraft does the job and does it solidly, smashing humans to pieces as it traverses the world of humans in the 21st century. Over to you Assassins Creed, let's see if you can do better. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Money Monster

"GET SOME BALLS"

Wall Street. Money. If films like The Wolf of Wall Street and most recently, Adam McKay's The Big Short, one of my most recent additions to the ever-growing collection of brilliant movies I now own, are indicators of how disgustingly green and shallow such a location in the world is then Jodie Foster's, yes, that Jodie Foster, Money Monster is somewhat a kettle of similar fish, albeit a much lesser pedigree when placed against its' predecessors. If The Big Short is a fresh caught grilled salmon, then Money Monster is a week old cod, one left in the freezer for a good week and then battered and covered with seasoning and sauces in order to pass it up as something of quality. Okay, a bit harsh, but there is no denying that Money Monster is a slump of a let-down, a film which attempts to drift between high-tension drama and elements of comedy whilst being tent-poled by a supposed smart plot yet comes off as something of a wimp, with the clichéd and borderline generic story playing its' hand way too early in order to establish the thrills it attempts to create. 

Amidst another day in the high-profile life of financial guru and host of hot TV show "Money Monster", Lee Gates, played in a somewhat laughable high-key manner by everyone's favourite Batman (NOT) George Clooney, swiftly gets taken hostage on air by Jack O'Connell's Kyle Budwell, a young working man left in arrears due to the collapse of IBIS Clear Capital's stock, owned by the ridiculously and rather too obvious sneaky CEO Walt Camby (The Wire's Dominic West). Add into the mix Julia Roberts' director-come-leaver Patty, and Money Monster is the formulaic, on-the-nose snooze-fest the trailers unfortunately stated that it possibly would become. Thrills? Not one, with any chance of a build-up of tension being undercut by silly moments of comedy, some of which may have generated one or two laughs, but ultimately felt completely wrong and almost alien in a film of this kind. Although Jodie Foster gives it a good stab at her own variation of the much superior Inside Man, a film in which she starred in and seems to admire, Money Monster is suitably lacklustre and rather quite disappointing. On the subject of money, Clooney and Roberts must be laughing at their cheque with that being the only reason why they decided to star in such a film. Hollywood nepotism? Perhaps. But hey, Jack O'Connell is great. 

Overall Score: 4/10

TV Review: Game of Thrones - Season Six Episode Six "Blood Of My Blood" SPOILERS

"Are You With Me, Now And Always?"

With the death of Hodor well and truly lodged into the feels of our minds, this week's episode of Game of Thrones continued the radical decision of the show-runners to actually start moving forward within the realm of Westeros, with certain plot strands taking major leaps after weeks, and in some cases, seasons of sluggish stopping and starting. Take Arya for example; weeks of endless beatings and Westerosian playwrights finally took a toll on the poor lass after deciding maybe it wasn't best to end the fading career of her acting target via poison and instead regain her Stark ways, leaving behind the disappointed yet murderous Faceless Men behind in her wake. The return of Needle surely brings about the return of her vengeance list, much to the delight of fans across the globe and whose to say that her vicious young trainer The Waif won't be swiftly added to that list after weeks of utter bitchness. Oh, and Richard E. Grant got some awesome screen time this week. Big up the Doctor Who connections! Big up too the most obvious return of a long-lost character since well, someone with Benjen Stark being heart and centre in the rescue of Bran whilst Westeros' most evil OAP graced our screens once again with Red Wedding orchestrator Walder Fray showing the world he is still alive.

On the other side of the continent, Daenerys was reunited with her beast-mode dragon Drogon which did nothing but to emphasise the effects budget available to the show whilst the Westerosian equivalent of Dorset laid bare to the return of Sam to his homeland, much to the respite of his bad and bitter father who went completely ape shit after learning his beloved son had returned with a Wildling for a wife. Quite rightly, Sam decided the best option was to leave ASAP, yet not empty handed, with the Tarly heirloom in the form of a Valyrian steeled sword being swiftly stolen. Finally, within the soap-opera fantasia of King's Landing, Jamie and Lord Tyrell both attempted to put a permanent end to the teachings of the High Sparrow but instead were greeted to the rather bonkers realisation that not only had Margery fully embraced the ways of the Sparrow but King Tommen too. If ever there were a picture to sum up a situation, Jamie's face was it. A bold move or one too immature? We shall see won't we. Once again, Game of Thrones chose to take a bold step forward in its' storytelling and made the set-up for the last remaining episodes a real treat to look forward to. 

Overall Score: 8/10