Unlucky Number Seven
Julianne Moore. Oscar Winner. Jeff Bridges. Oscar Winner. Kit Harrington. He knows nothing. In terms of an A-List cast, Seventh Son does pretty well, with it even having the chance to show off rising star Alicia Vikander who seems to be in absolutely everything this year, from Ex Machina to Testament of Youth alongside Jon Snow himself. Based upon the novel, The Spook's Apprentice, something of which I was unaware of before watching the film, Seventh Son tells the tale of seventh son of the seventh son Tom Ward, played by Prince Caspian's Ben Barnes, who is taken under the wing of Jeff Bridges', John Gregory, the legendary "spook", who is tasked with defending humanity from the dark supernatural forces around them, including Julianne Moore's Mother Malkin, the renowned evil blood-magic witch. With such a cast, and a pretty cool premise including all the mystical tropes of dragons, witches and sword-fights, Seventh Son has to be nothing short of amazing, surely? Erm. no. It really isn't.
Firstly, from the kick-off, Jeff Bridges is incomprehensible. Imagine Bane from The Dark Knight Rises, mashed together with a drunk Billy Connolly and that's pretty much how Bridges has chosen to play this particular role, although, to be honest, none of what he says really matters throughout the 100 minutes run-time, with the script being unbelievably dull and the characters even more so, particularly Barne's, Tom Ward, who will take some beating to not win worst and, or, most forgettable main character in a film released this year. Truly awful. As for newly crowned "Best Actress", Julianne Moore, her performance as the witch/dragon/thing antagonist has made me think twice whether she was right to gain such an award earlier this year. In my opinion, Moore and "Best Actor", Eddie Redmaybe, both made secret pacts with Hollywood that involved both of them being given Oscars as long as they performed as bad as they could at being baddies in other films released this year.
Talking of Eddie Redmayne and Jupiter Ascending, Seventh Son at least has one up on the latter by having rather enjoyable action sequences throughout, particularly in ones when the General Grievous/Kali-esque warrior is present, but Seventh Son is definitely at the level of the abomination that was Jupiter Ascending earlier this year. It's dull. It's badly CGI'd. It's a total waste of time. There was talk of Seventh Son being turned into a franchise for the future. If that franchise is going to be at this level however, don't waste your time lads and lasses. Wait for Star Wars.
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